A weird thing happened today.
For the past couple of weeks I have been feeling... Out of sorts with everything.
I just have reached a level of frustration and apathy I can't even describe. I know it's not good, and it's almost summer... So I'll be ok.
But today I had a call that just left me feeling frustrated, useless, jaded and anxious. I made the executive decision to just take lunch and go get some sunshine since it was a beautiful day and I am also tragically seasonally affected.
I had barely entered Downtown Crossing when a woman approached me. I am not one to stop and chat especially in that area, but for some reason I stopped and listened to her. She was trying to find the Mass Rehab Commission and her computer had died and nobody would help her. I told her I didn't know where it was and she kept apologizing and telling me her life story but I offered to GPS it on my phone.
....she also was terrified to even be Downtown (and probably had additional issues that would make her eligible for our programs...) she kept saying she would "watch my back" while I googled for her. But I took my time and still couldn't find the number.
I'm not sure what came over me but after a recent interaction the first thing to pop into my head was the Boston Center for Independent Living which was one street over. I quickly googled their number, dialed and spoke to the receptionist. Without skipping a beat I explained who I was and where I worked and I was trying to help someone find their way around downtown. She gave me the address and I told the lady as she kept apologizing for keeping me from my lunch break (which was not really my mission anyway)
She thanked me profusely and asked if there was anything she could do for me. I said no I just hoped she had a good day and made it to her appointment ok.
As I was getting ready to leave she said. "I hope it comes back to you!"
After that, I circled the common too many times on Scootzilla, venting to some of my dearest mentors who know where I am at with everything and convinced me it's not time to throw in the towel just yet.
I made myself eat lunch and went back to the office.
Upon which I was super productive on the task I was working on, and then I got an email asking me to staff an event at the end of the month, to represent us and the One Care Program.
Then I had a very important meeting that I had been anticipating for some time and that made me realize that i think it's gonna be ok.
Maybe it is coming back to me.
In that moment, I felt like maybe I'm not the ice queen I felt like perhaps I was becoming. Maybe I do sometimes "like helping people."
I can't help them all, nor do I want to, but today, at the end of it all, I felt valuable, helpful, smart, and once again, like I'm where I need to be, even just for the moment.
I guess we'll see :)