YFRF

I have decided, that for this blog, instead of trying to catch up on the far too epic past 2 months (during which normally, not a heck of a lot would happen....) I will post a Video blog, and break it down bullet style.

In one of my less public journals I try to do something called "You freakin' rock, Friday!!!" and I just list 5 things that are awesome for that week. In this version it will be more of an update form, but I'll try not to be too long winded!

Happy Friday


YFRF- JULY 2011

1. Maisy graduated!!! She is all ready, and eager to head off to Colby Sawyer college in New Hampshire, for psychology. I'm so excited for her, I think it will be wonderful for her, and even though I'll miss my other half, I'm spoiling her rotten in the mean time (BRITNEY IN 2 WEEKS!!!!) and I know it's exactly what she needs right now. (Still nagging her to do a guest blog too one of these days- and by nagging I mean, I've asked once)

.

2. This past weekend, and over the last few months, I have reconnected with so many of my friends! I was home by myself for the weekend and partly thought I'd sit home and watch movies all weekend, wishing I were somewhere where I actually had people to go out with *cough*Vegas*cough* but before I knew it, I was booked every day, and over the course of this week I have seen 5 of my best friends (and maybe more this week). It was just great to relax, catch up and remember why I consider people important in my life. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time! When it comes down to it, I do have people here. And all over the country. Pretty cool stuff!

(My lovely THITWGC Graduates <3)

Birthday in Vegas, with friends I never knew I had but I missed before I left.

More Vegas antics. Sari, and the Bare Naked Ladies concert. Pretty epic week... all birthdays from here on out are going to have a tough act to follow!

Heather from Kansas, and I at a Red Sox game in Baltimore.

3. CAMP CAMP CAMP. Next week Maisy and I are speaking at a golf tournament fundraiser, then a couple weeks later is Alumni stage night, then in the fall we're volunteering at the gala, which is always an incredible experience, whether I'm serving mac & cheese, or on stage with half of Broadway. I can't wait. Any month that has camp events, is pretty much a good month.

4. My professional life is sort of exploding. I've been working with lots of different people, traveling, speaking, learning, growing, and it's all just been an amazing experience. I'm really excited about where I'm at, and where it's all heading. As I talked about in the video, Face Forward is a really cool project that I'm excited to sink my teeth into, and things with Got Transition? are moving a mile a minute, but I really feel like I know what's going on and am contributing, and really leading a lot of stuff. Check out our facebook for the latest ongoings! Or the Website to sign up to get notices about cool stuff we're doing!

Outside the White House Conference Center (yes, I met the man... and I'm not sure the rules of posting pictures, but find me on facebook it's in my profile picture album :) )

5. Best for last I suppose. I went back and forth about posting this, since in this forum I'm actually pretty chill about my personal life, but this has been a huge, wonderful part of the last few months for me, so I'm putting it out there- it can also prove as proof that I maybe am not THAT much of a cynical cat lady.

So there's this boy. His name is Owen, and he lives in Nevada (duh, go big or go home... I don't do anything half way), which is how we met- when I was out at the conference in Vegas in March. Clearly I could write a whole blog about it because "our story" is fun. But long story short, we met, talked, really connected, and he flew to Vegas to be with me for my birthday. The whole thing is sort of Disney, and I'm convinced there should be a Vegas princess and I should be cast.

It's wonderful. He gets me, we have the same sense of humor, do similar work, and just compliment each other so well. He is the completely level Jason to my spastic crazy Bethenny. It's fantastic. And we just have fun together. So much.

To be pretty transparent, I was hesitant to do the "r word" thing (relationship), because I have seen what it has done to some of my best friends, and I was afraid of changing, and losing what I had and who I was, or duh, getting hurt...

But it is so different than anything I thought I had before... I really didn't know what to do. It was sort of shocking to me how we could just be so real and honest with each other, and how it all just felt right....

So. Finally I decided to stop being jaded, let myself be happy- and we went "Facebook official." And guess what? I'm still me. Except better. Mal vs. 2011, puts Mal vs. 2010 to shame. And now, i just have someone to be sarcastic and cynical, and happy and stressed out, and politically frustrated WITH. We keep checking to make sure we're not those people we hate yet. I think we're getting there- but not quite.

However, as I write this, I am becoming one... so I will end here, before I throw up in my mouth and just say, this year, and summer has been incredible in so many ways, I'm happier than I've ever been. And I cannot wait for everything that's to come.

..oh, and as far as Muffy is concerned. I'll always be a cat lady :)

xoxo

Today is May 1st, and I think that means it’s a good day for a blog entry.

May has always been a good month for me. Not only because it’s the month I was born (a good enough reason, if you ask me) but because it always sort of seems like a new beginning. I say that when the new year begins too… but it’s still winter at that point, and it’s easy to say but not easy to feel when you just don’t want to leave the house or really do anything.
Spring makes me feel alive, and this year, is shaping up to be a pretty big one. The first few months were oppressed with the paranoia that it just couldn’t be as incredible as 2010 and everything felt like a let down. There was a lot of hoping for things that wouldn’t be, things that didn’t go just the way I planned, and the silly hospitalization that left me feeling weak and vulnerable when I thought I was really kicking ass. I just… wasn’t feeling it.

But now. I am. I just finished reading Bethenny Frankel’s book, A Place of Yes, and not only is she completely me in her writing, sense of humor, and attitude about life, but she really makes me look at my own life in a better way (judge not, before you read this book- she was the antithesis of the other housewives, so just stop).

The sister and I were home alone for the weekend and we of course made the most of it, with Glee dance parties, a trip to the mall for prom essentials and just having girl talk, and watching Disney movies. We can do absolutely nothing, and still have far too much fun. We talked a lot, about where we’re at, what we have, and how far we’ve come. It’s sort of amazing to think about. I know I say that all the time, but it’s always fun when the sun comes out again and you can really see things for what they are! The baby sis is graduating in a matter of days! This year is

huge, and we’re so ready to tackle this summer together, and show it who’s boss. (I also invited her to do a guest blog here when her life calms down a bit, I think it’ll be fun for you to get some words from my other half I speak of so much)

So today, I took the opportunity of a lazy Sunday to make an iced coffee, and just sit on the deck and finish my book. I’m pretty sure I got my first sunburn of 2011, but I also realized that I felt ultimately content. I really feel like in this moment, things are GOOD.

Of course my life is a rollercoaster. But so is Bethenny’s. I related as she talks about how one day her life is pj’s on the couch, and the next is a red carpet in L/A, but part of that, and one of her chapters, is that no matter what your life may bring, live all of those moments, and do those opportunities like it’s your whole world. And I feel like I’m really able to do that. For now, I’m enjoying spring in Leeds, Maine. At the end of this month, I’ll be celebrating my LAST WEEK OF BEING 25 in Las Vegas.

But whether I’m drinking a corona and catching rays on my deck listening to the freak turkeys

that hang out in my backyard, or feeling VIP at the Palms pool, I’m going to live it up, cause it’s ALL who I am.

Another thing Bethenny talked about was her experience with getting and being on The Apprentice. She explained how the first time she “auditioned” to be on the show, she tried to create what she thought they wanted, and was only partially herself. The second time, she was just herself, complete with brutal honesty and biting wit, and that was the time she got on the show. As I thought about it, it reminded me a lot of my life right now. For a long time, in my work, and my life, I was spending so much time being what I thought people wanted me to be, and saying what was put in front of me, but recently, I’ve started infusing more and more of ME into my presentations, and being genuine in what I believe and who I am. And it’s working. I no longer fear that I’m going to disappoint people because I don’t say what they want to hear, and I’m not worried about “learning lines.” I’m still getting opportunities, and I’m finding I’m more able to enjoy things, and just roll with the punches for what each day brings. Somehow, everything is aligning, and it feels RIGHT.

Since the last time I wrote, I met the President.
No big deal. LIES. IT’S A HUGE DEAL. It was a huge deal when I saw him speak, and was one of several hundred people in an auditorium. Of course it’s a big deal that I got to hang out, drink free champagne and shake his hand in the Whitehouse, and chit chat for a few. I’ll post a bigger entry about it, and everything that it was at a later date, but for now, let’s just say it was one of those examples of how things just happen when they’re meant to. I just believed that it would happen, and I hoped I had somehow made an impact in all that I’ve been doing for the last few years. And it did work out. It was hugely reaffirming, that I’ve got something, and am heading in the right direction.


The last thing I want to say, is that, another reason I feel like my life is so on track right now, is because of people. Something that I’m going to talk about in one of my upcoming presentations as well as MY book, is finding your champions- the people who support you, for all that you are, push you to do the things you know you can (and have to), and keep you going when you don’t know if you can. I really feel like right now, those are the people I have in my life. They are all key players and there aren’t people I have to be fake around or feel negativity with. Not that that is something to get used to, or that I can’t handle knowing people who challenge me, but it’s a nice feeling to just feel so supported for being ME.

Perhaps sunshine and sleep just bring out the best in me, but I’m in a good place, feeling inspired, empowered and EXCITED for all that’s coming up! Next Step weekend, a conference in West Virginia, VEGAS, birthdays, and summer 2011. I’m looking forward to every moment. So Happy May Day, may you have a wonderful spring and find ways to come from a Place of Yes!

Xoxo

Vegas, Kansas, and Family, OH MY! (part 1)

Well March definitely went out like a lion, but before it did, it surely did not

disappoint, even if the beginning was a little rocky.I do this thing where I get all worked up that things are, or aren’t going to be a certain way before I even give it a chance to happen. I

recognize this, and that it’s silly and that I need to cut it the heck out… and truly, I’m working

on it.So following with this theory, and how things had just been continually caving in on all sides, then ending up in and out of the hospital and on 2 antibiotics- how could Vegas possibly be any fun? Silly, silly me.Perhaps my “Vegas experience” was not one torival the current season of Real World (and sweet lord- I hope nothing ever is- please don’t judge my whole state based on that foolish kid!) or even a typical spring break, but, it was one of those trips that fueled my fire to

inspire, and left me feeling happy, excited, fulfilled, and with a heck of a lot more Blackberry Messenger contacts.I have been to many, many conferences and met a lot of people, but there was something about “the Vegas crew” (well the entire NV crew if you want to get all territorial) that just “got it”beyond what I’ve seen before.They were a tight group, and when I was getting ready to board the plane to head back to Eastern Time (psh, what’s that) I smiled as I got a message that said, “We look out for each other. You’re part of the family now.”Aside from just meeting incredible people, the conference was really great. If you

ever have the opportunity to hear Joyce Bender, definitely don’t miss her session. She works on getting people with disabilities employment in competitive fields, and her attitude is just kick ass and topnotch. Then of course there was when we did the Macarena before noon, the incredible Mexican lunch buffet, and the conversations that occurred in and around sessions both fun and serious where people were able to learn from each other. O

verall it was a great experience, I felt totally at home, and I know I will continue to learn and be inspired from everyone at Family Ties NV.So cut to the last conference day- which was the day of the segway from work to “play time.” My poor mother, who had been inserted into this trip at the last minute and ended up ultimately having a good time as much as she protested “Vegas is not her thing,” Woke up with a stomach bug of death. Of course this was the day after St. Patrick’s so although it was a low key night before, I still had to give her heck that it was simply because she was not capable of throwing down Vegas style. Sad for her

that was not the case at all, she simply had horrible luck that tends to haunt our family wherever we are. She tried to go to the conference but ended up leavingearly, and I sat on hold listening to way too many Planet Hollywood commercials to make sure she could check in early. Finally everything was squared away.

EXCEPT. I had just bought tickets to a show, for that night. What’s a girl to do? Turn to her new Vegas girls of course! Within five minutes I had a date for the evening and would actually get a night on the town as I had planned.

After everything was wrapped up from the conference, we headed to the strip, windows down, Ke$ha blasting. Somehow it all works out.2 episodes of disaster date, 1 IV antibiotic, and a Britney album later (and of course making sure my poor ailing mother was going to make it through the night with her $15 room service toast) I was good to go.

The night was fantastic! Except for maybe having to walk all over creation in baby heels, but that only adds to the adventure. God bless moving sidewalks!
I got to see the whole strip lit up at night, and have an ultimate girls’ night out that can really be experienced in Vegas!
The next day, mom came back to life, which was good for both of us! We had breakfast at a buffet (best creation ever!!!) and played tourist at the Bellagio and Caesar’s palace after bathing suit shopping for far too long with amazing sales people who acted like they had to strategically hide central lines in designer bikinis every day (some of us do…) Unfortunately I tend to goeverywhere when the weather is crappy- or I make the weather crappy… I think it’s a little of both. But either way there was no pool action this time, but I will be prepared for… next time!

That evening there was going to be another exciting dinner date! You see, camp love is one of those rare sorts that pops up when you least expect it but need it most, and expands all over the country. My third year of camp, I was in Yellow (this matters, duh) and I had a nurse, who I still talk about to this day. She made dealing with IV nonsense a fun, creative activity that only

certain “cool” people got to partake in. And she was just awesome. This was in 1997-98? And I hadn’t seen or heard from her until this year! God bless Facebook! She happens to live in Vegas!As we met up and had sushi at Koi, it was like no time had passed, let alone 13 years, we just both had a lot more life experience under our belts. I won’t say we grew up…cause… people who watched our antics at Ben & Jerry’s would probably beg to differ. Again, no true craziness went down, but I laughed harder than I think I have in most of 2011 and it’s so great to have one of my earliest champions back in my life.

So there you have it. One more breakfast buffet the next morning we were back at the Jet Blue terminal…and me looking at flights to go back before I was even out of my incredible Planet Hollywood bed! Stay tuned!

I was going to make this entry about Kansas as well… but I think I’ll drag it out so I have less ginormous entries and more that folks will read.
Never a dull moment!

xo

It’s already March! That’s three months into 2011.
I haven’t necessarily forgotten to blog, but for the sake of transparency I’ll just say, winter and I truly do not get along and I just wasn’t feeling in a place to say anything that was worth reading.

Nobody wants to read about the Winter of Mal’s Discontent, which really is what it felt it had become. I hate being cold, we got way more snow this year, than really…in all my life that I can remember, and I simply wanted to be a hermit (and pretty much did) so how fun is that? It’s not really.
Although- being in a huge slump of winter hating, did sort of put a fire underneath me to do something about it. This winter really made me realize that, beyond it not even being physically safe when all the parking lots and driveways are glaciers, I really cannot do this. I’m not happy here. There are no opportunities for anything that would further develop my career, and well… it’s boring. I feel like a cat lady at the mere age of 25… and as much as I love my Muffy. That is a no go.So rewind to January. I decided I needed to start seeing what I can do on my own and where the challenges are ultimately going to be. A couple weeks into the brand new year of 2011 I had myself a round trip ticket to good ol’ Washington DC. Just one. There was a meeting of all the National Centers, and so I planned a weekend accordingly so that I would have some time away, and then be able to represent Got Transition? at the meeting and jump back into the game, since I felt a little out of the loop after missing all the action in October.
As the days went by I kept getting a little nervous, but I was sort of surprised at how I really wasn’t all that phased by making the venture by myself. I had been planning it in my head for months already, and I knew that the next step really was just taking the plunge.
So I did. And in that one weekend, I felt more alive than I had in months. The travel was seamless. Everyone went above and beyond to make sure I was ok, and just to be safe, I had gone ahead and had one of those lovely black SUV’s meet me at the airport so I would be sure I’d be taken care of. Look out Lauren Conrad…there’s a new diva in town with equally fabulous sunglasses and pink luggage.
The first night I was there, after the mandatory post flight nap, and discovering why I don’t watch Sarah Palin’s reality show, I met up with one of my VIP’s for an informal strategic planning meeting of “operation Mal needs to live in DC.” No conclusions were made except that it basically needs to happen, and that Jersey Shore was a lost cause after Miami.
The next day I tried to fathom that I had an entire day, and the entire city to myself, with absolutely no agenda! I slept in (of course the one time I can sleep in in a hotel, the beds are a bit subpar…) then eventually made my way to the nearest Starbucks… which was in walking distance, and figured out my day over a latte and breakfast sandwich. It was a bit surreal as I remembered my first week of college, as I sat and Java Joe’s and I wrote in my journal “It’s not exactly a city…. Or Starbucks… but look at me, on my own writing in coffee shop!” (or something equally faux optimistic) And now, here I actually was, in a Starbucks, in a real city, with a sense of purpose, things to do and people to see.
I ended up at the Smithsonian American Art Museum for most of the afternoon. “Brain…meet art! I know...it’s been awhile.” As I wandered through the exhibits, taking it all in, I realized just how long it had been since my brain had actually had to interpret or absorb anything beyond Jersey Shore, how to get to Margarita’s, or Real Housewives from all over the map.
After that I wandered around Chinatown for awhile and ended up at Chipotle for dinner. I know, I know. Here I am, with some of the best restaurants, DURING restaurant week…. But, what the heart (and stomach) wants… the heart wants.

Then, I magically hailed a cab out of nowhere, in a fashion that would’ve put Carrie Bradshaw to shame and got back to the hotel just in time to watch the final game before the Super Bowl at the bar with people from all over (I even scored a free chocolate mousse). All in all, a successful day.The next day was the meeting, which was held at the Army Navy Club, so there was a dress code! Up before the sun, blazer, pearls, nylons and I was off. It was a long day, of too many powerpoint slides, but also seeing so many people who were glad I had made it, and the feeling that “oh yea… you’re wanted here!”
But before I knew it, I was putting sweats back on in a hotel bathroom, and watching the sunset over the Washington monument from my cab to the airport.

I had done it. The flight home was one of many emotions (as the flights home continually get more and more emotional…) of excitement, accomplishment, but also fear, because now, I can’t deny, that the only thing holding me back… is me.
Sine then, there was also a wonderful trip to Portland, Oregon, and another epic week in DC for the AMCHP conference (where it sort of all began… last year).I got to debut with the new National Center, and give a presentation that had standing room only in attendance, and was a firm reminder that I’m really finding my voice in all of this, not just reading somebody else’s slides.

Between the gala (an almost perfect Valentine’s day consisting of a red dress, and champagne), the sun/lack of snow on the ground, being able to walk across the street for coffee, or Chipotle, and the rush of learning, thinking and networking again, it was yet another event that left me going “Oh yea… you’re good at this. This is why you do what you do.”

The other highlight that cannot go unmentioned, because if this hadn’t happened… the week would’ve been… fairly lonely. I met my long time virtual bff Emily! We were supposed to meet in October, but we all know how that turned out. To have someone of my own demographic who really “gets it,” on every level like nobody else I’ve ever met was absolutely amazing. Suffice to say, we had way too much fun, and once again I’m left saying “Whyyyyy do we live so far apart?!”After all of this, I went home, frustrated to have to be leaving at all, let alone coming back to more snow, and not a whole lot else. Which is exactly why, I took the GRE’s the following week. My grad school timeline got a little altered to what I thought it would be, but that silly piece of the puzzle that was holding me back from applying is OVER. It’s really happening…
And now here we are. Next up on the itinerary is Las Vegas. This trip has taken some various transformations, and unfortunately, there was another little blip on the radar and I’ll be managing one IV antibiotic while I’m there. There will be two days of their Youth Transition Jamboree (the same group I virtually presented for in Reno last year) and then the weekend will hopefully consist of food, fun, and foolishness. It definitely won’t be spring break style, but at this point, I can’t say no to just having 80 degree weather! Can’t wait!!!

I may write about it….
But… you know what they say.

xoxo

Friendship is thicker than blood

That depends

Depends on trust

Depends on true devotion

Depends on love

Depends on not denying emotion

Perhaps

It's gonna be

A happy new year

- RENT <3

There is only one more day left in 2010, and although it’s been quite the rollercoaster, I’m a little sad to see it go…
2010 (pronounced twenty ten…) was a good year. Not in a flashy, “go all kinds of warm exotic place” kind of year, but a quiet “lots of self discovery and realizing what’s really important and where to go next” kind of good.
Let’s do a bit of a Year in Review, shall we?

JANUARY-
MAL GETS HER LICENSE!!!!
What else is there, honestly? Eight years in the making, that step of transition can FINALLY get checked off the to-do list!

FEBRUARY-
I went to the dark side of AT&T and tried to see if I could be an Iphone user…being a firm believer of once you go mac you never go back (well, I did go back… I’m a crackberry girl at heart and could write an entry just about that…. But I still love my AT&Ters!)
February in Gray…. What is there to say? My braces were off, and some good times went down. I have a feeling people at Styxx will always remember my name.
…and then the snow began to melt, and we got our act together, but here’s to the nights we don’t entirely remember with people we’ll never forget!

MARCH-
March and I never used to get along really. It was the drudgiest (new word!) time of the year to be in Maine, the snow turns to mud, the sun rarely comes out, and the anticipation of spring is just agonizing. Then I realized March is high time for conferences, and opportunities to LEAVE! Two years ago I hit Miami, NYC, and DC in March, and although that was a bit much, it made the month fly by and was far less torturous.
This March, was a bit of a pinnacle for me. Enter way too many cheerleaders, a huge hotel on the river, and a couple sunny days on Capitol Hill, something had changed within me. I didn’t see it coming, but I got bit by that bug and realized I was in the right place at the right time, and meant to do what I’m doing, to whatever level I can take. We’re in a time of change, and I’m smack in the middle of it!

APRIL:
Still feeling the energy from the week of hill visits and being in our nation’s capitol (and really getting a taste of what that means) I had the opportunity to see my favorite president in person, talking to our very own community. Realizing, we’re not just talking anymore- we ARE a part of the change that’s happening before our very eyes. We were hooked.
Also, the end of one chapter, the beginning of another…

MAY:
May is near and dear to my heart. Being a May baby, I don’t need to completely rehash the fabulous things that happened in May, but this year was a pretty powerful May. Having ended the job with HRTW that I had known for the previous 3 years I began my interim months of not knowing where my life was headed, and a series of opportunities that would guide me to figure it out.. .and to remember who I was in the mean time. I kicked off May in Denver, CO which was an amazing experience, getting to work with other people who really “get” the ideas of youth empowerment, and spending time with an amazing family I would ultimately end up working with in the coming years! I also got to hear the stories of powerful youth leaders who made me grateful all over again for everything I have and am able to do, and see the Columbine memorial, which I meant to blog about but the whole experience was just so intense I wasn’t able to find the right words.

The following weekend, was a Next Step Family Weekend, which was one of those times where it felt everything was perfectly placed to be cathartic in just the right way (like previous trips to NY, and many things involving camp…) I can’t accurately sum it up now, but here’s an excerpt from the journal entry I wrote after the weekend, during which my family climbed “the tower,” for those who are unfamiliar, let me once again refer you to this video:

For a long time I have been dealing with this inner struggle that there are sort of two aspects to my life/identity. There is the forever cheerful, ever optimistic, musical theater, forward moving little girl known as Princess Peanut, who grew up at camp and was continuing to show people the importance of "defying gravity" and how no matter what hand you are dealt, you CAN achieve your dreams. For the past three years, that side has made an occasional appearance, but I have felt like she has been frequently been overpowered by a new, jaded, still passionate, but determined due to bitterness, discontent person.
I've been worried that I had been losing where I came from and who I really am deep inside. I know she is still there.
Long story short, I have been slowly weeding the negativity from my life, being active in finding happiness and really reassessing what is important in my life. When I knew we were going to camp for the weekend, I realized at the same time that I had to climb the wall again. I started to back out when I saw it, and realized how high it was, but this was my chance, to remind the world, and myself, that I still had it.
When I got to camp, other people started to arrive. Including most of the key players who had supported me in climbing in my 98 venture. The day we were going to do it, even the videographer who recorded that interview made a cameo (who is completely gorgeous and I plan on connecting with for other professional goals) but it was so just....fateful. I knew this was all meant to play out.
So when we got to the tower, I watched a lot of people go, and knew I couldn't turn back. I got set up and realized how freaking vertical and high it was, but I had come so far from 1998, and I had my baby sister and my dad supporting me at the same time.

This time was so different. As I climbed up there, I wasn't scared. I was determined. Every time I moved up, it was for someone else who had hurt me, or thought I couldn't succeed or who had kept me down with their negativity. I thought "this is for YOU. That little girl, who thought nothing could keep her from reaching her dreams. Guess what? She is STILL HERE!"

After that, my sister came up, and my dad, and we shared an amazing moment (we called my mom from the top...yay technology), as our entire family had defied gravity. A metaphor for what we truly have done, and continue to do in our lives every day. And, I had the contentment of knowing. The Princess is still around. The dreams may have changed, but I still have the capability to reach them.

Shortly after that, I was going to turn 25, which could be an epic blog entry in itself. I had my first surprise party ever, complete with so many people from my past and present who had been there along the way. It was a little weird having my worlds collide, but it was fantastic, and I have completely embraced being “a quarter of a century.”
And finally, May ended with what I consider to be the best Memorial Day weekend ever (and I’m partial to them because my birthday usually falls on it). My entire family was together by the pool, and it was a simple week of sun, food, drinks, and celebrating. The perfect way to ring in the summer of 2010, with whatever it had in store.

JUNE – AUGUST:
I’m slowly losing motivation in writing this, and I might as well admit it, cause it will show. But it’s exhausting reliving a year, that was already exhausting once. The summer was interesting, and when I look back on it, you know, as tough as it was, I don’t remember it negatively. I remember being poolside with my family, driving with my windows down, beach trips, and the freedom and anticipation of where my life would be when it all ended . I took summer one day at a time…and it felt good.

SEPTEMBER – OCTOBER:
September was a month of getting acclimated once again to living at home, unpacking boxes, and mending fences with my cat who had been convinced I had left her to fend for herself with the dog owners. I made a point of reconnecting with my friends and scheduling things like dinner and coffee dates so we could just convince ourselves we both still had “social lives.” It worked. And I re-established Starbucks as my “third place” (well second really, since I work from home, and all over the place.
September also held a unique opportunity that I found out about last minute via twitter, and I dipped my toe into another political pool when I saw Lady Gaga speak about the repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.

I had big plans for October- but the universe had other ideas for me. Another blip on the radar I suppose. I got knocked down, got better and got back up, with a bit of a new appreciation for when my health is good, and how lucky I am since that is the case most of the time. Although the not feeling good part was pretty crappy, it was a little bit nice to be able to lay in bed and just not worry about anything, and truly “rest up.” I wish our society permitted that more often without the inevitable guilt factor…

Another bright thing that happened in October, was getting my best friend back from the wonderful place we call the West Coast. Every time we're together I'm reminded my we're best friends, and although we've both grown up a bit, and added a few members to the family, it still feels like we were just eating pizza, and listening to Mariah Carey like it's 2003. I'm so blessed to have her back and just a text message away.

NOVEMBER-
And we’re back in the game with a (if I do say so myself) kick butt conference in Houston, TX and connecting with some wonderful people I will get to work with in 2011. Then came Thanksgiving and the beginning of festive, family, fun for the holidays.

(just a little football viewing)

….Here we are in DECEMBER.

Wow… what a year huh? Since winter drags on for so many months, I like to make the most of when it’s still fun, and all the hype before Christmas…. So enter our trip to NYC. Without having an event to go, or be in this year, I decided to just make it happen for FUN (iiii know). Tickets to Elf the musical, third row to In the Heights and a room on the upper east side later, we had a trip! The tree, the shopping, the freezing cold, it was definitely an experience. I did learn that we do it best when we stay right in the heart of Times Square and it saves on commuting, and late nights, but all in all it was a great time. We also saw Love, Loss and What I Wore which was the perfect girls’ night out show to be followed by seasonal pumpkin flavored Pinkberry. And Vnyl has so been added to our must hit dinner locales, next time we’re in town!

Christmas held more tradition of hours of card games, the traditional Christmas eve shindig and a morning of opening too many presents. A cozy perfect last holiday of 2010.

So here we are. 2010 is done in a matter of a day and a few hours. It’s silly to say, where has it gone… because I just spent 3 pages telling you. I guess the better question is where will 2011 take me? I’ve said previously, I’m not a fan of resolutions, and I’m not. I’m not going to shop less, or exercise more, I’m going to continue to do what makes me happy in moderation.

Last year, I said I would do strive to do a few things

As for the goals- well. License? CHECK!!! GRE’s…. in the process, but I do have more of a direction. Passport still to do….but I will.
This year I think will be ultimately about taking the next steps, whatever that may be. It’s actually kind of perfect, as Mais and I wrote a theme song about doing just that, and I think I need to remind myself of that as I move forward.
I’m also going to remind myself of one my “resolutions” from last year and work on staying positive. As I wrote after my trip to Albuquerque, I want to keep that sense of excitement that used to come with every trip I take, and the energy with every presentation I give. If I can keep both of those things in mind and take it one day at a time, I think it can be another good year.

There is plenty to look forward to:
Oregon, DC, VEGAS, Kansas, Maisy graduates (ok, let’s not get ahead of ourselves….)
So, with a bit of a knot in my stomach I thank 2010 for all it has taught me, and brought my way, and say cheers to 2011.

A new year, with so much in front of me!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Time to Give thanks.... for what?

I write a lot about how blessed I am, and I do not take anything in my life for granted. I KNOW how lucky I am. BUT. I’d also be lying if I didn’t say that like a lot of people, when the air turns cold, and the holiday lights start twinkling, I have days where I get in a weird space of saying “what am I thankful for?”

It is hard sometimes, to look at my life, and say, sheesh, I expected to be farther than this. To watch my friends stop coming home, or having time for me because they have to do two thanksgiving with their significant others’ family too, or they don’t live here anymore and it’s just too expensive to come home. Granted, I have a lot going on in my life, but when it all slows down, it’s just me and Muffy, at my parents’ house attempting to listen to all the Christmas music that reminds me of the good old ASTP days, or the times I listened to certain CD’s 24/7 so I could stop crying at school long enough to write that on last paper between me and coming home to everyone I loved.

The holidays = memories, and let’s face it. Even when you’re home… you can’t go home again.

I’m not writing this to get people to feel bad, or pick up the phone to call and squeeze me in when you’re home (but hey, if you have time…. ) I’m just putting it out there, because I feel like being honest, and I think it hits a lot of people, but we’re forced to gag down a cup of cheer and trudge through the malls even when we’re just not feeling it. You’re not alone…

On that note, I took most of the day to spend time by myself, and knowing our tried and true, unoriginal tradition of going around the table and sharing, pondering the question, “What AM I thankful for?”

Here’s what I came up with:

Being alive- I’m a bit of a miracle. I don’t think anyone thought that at 25, I’d be here, let along be doing what I’m doing (and be quite so fabulous doing it). I don’t walk around on a daily basis going, “Um, don’t mess with me, I’m a miracle you know!” But it is something that helps me feel empowered when I think about it. Clearly I was kept around to do something big… so let’s keep at it.

My family. We have a crazy unique dynamic, and don’t you dare get in the middle of a game of cards, but I cannot deny I have the best, strongest, safet

y net/fan base any girl could ever ask for. From my first dance recital (that I only made it to the rehearsal apparently?) to college graduation, and flying all over the country, they are there, and/or telling all their friends. I’d be nowhere without them.

My job and the opportunities I have had from it- Sure it’s a tough world to be thrown into, but getting to go all over the country and get a sense of national wisdom (and I continue to learn) has inspired me, and given me a sense of what else IS out there- as well as the people who push me to get it. I now feel like I can back up my argument that “Yea, I am bigger than this.”

Camp- Not just for the time spent on the stage of Lincoln Center with Julia and Kristin but for shaping who I am, and REMINDING ME who I am, even now, when I hit that place of, I just can’t do it any more, I’m just me.

The little things that get me through the day- Being able to drive, and blast music in my car that I bought myself. My Starbucks crew that makes me smile and provides the perfect latte, the bartenders in the twin cities that know just how I take my margarita, seeing the sunset over the cow fields on the way home (even though I curse them at the same time), my friends who text me just to say they thought of me. Ke$ha, Britney, Taylor, and all those others that pump me up when I’m not feeling hot. My kitty who makes sure that I don’t have to sleep alone (even though she is a rebel and always wants to snuggle when it’s time to get up)

And ultimately- although I already mentioned family, this one deserves it’s own, final bullet:

MY SISTER.

Lots of people have siblings, but even strangers have pointed out that we have something special. Everything I gripe about when I’m in that place of slump seems irrelevant when I think of going through it with Maisy, from shopping for jugs of water during a Maine wilderness power failure to eating Sushi near Lincoln Center in NYC, we’re pretty unstoppable when we’re together and anything becomes a memorable adventure. We have reached the point where we can exchange personal jokes without even uttering a word, and just making eye contact. We say the things at the same time. We’ll start singing the same song at the same time without even having heard it recently. She may be an outdoor cowgirl and I try to avoid walking in grass, but I have so much respect for everything she has achieved and how hard she works. She is the Timone to my Pumbaa, the Glinda to my Elphaba, the Beavis to my Butthead (I shall not go on). Recently, with her college application process, and watching her crank out essays and fill out applications, I have actually been inspired to start busting my own ass on this whole GRE process and really thinking seriously about the whole grad school thing. Her courage and fresh excitement for the whole “college thing” has made me realize that I need to not fear my own future. With 2011 fast approaching, who knows where things could go!
So after figuring all of this out, and coming to terms with where I’m at, and seeing once again how clearly lucky I am, I can now finish my tea, go to sleep happy and blessed, and wake up tomorrow to watch the parade in the city I will be in in approximately 2 weeks, eat too much, laugh too much, lose money at cards and finally, officially ring in the holiday season, for whatever it is, as Mal version 2010 as she will only exist for a few more weeks!
Let’s do this.

My life is ridiculous?

As I sat in the hospital, early on in my admission two weeks ago, I was talking to one of my friends, who referenced something, as we discussed my situation.
She said that she “got it,” as she was one of the rare breed known as a “CSHN diva.” I have met a few, and perhaps I will start a sorority. Wouldn’t that be fun? Just call me Elle Woods (Legally Blonde 2 is my inspiration for life…)
They are people who are consumers of “the system,” know the drill and still maintain their proper level of fabulosity. Granted, it is not easy to do.
Here are some tips…
Perhaps this should just grow into a book…. It is a bit lengthy. Being fabulous is not easy remember.

(Of course, let me offer a disclaimer that this is not actually sage health advice, just a witty blog- please listen to your doctors before me)

CSHN Diva’s guide to being in the hospital:

1. Be polite.
First and foremost. As my fellow diva, and good friend Kristin Chenoweth explains, part of being a diva is being nice. This can be difficult when you feel terrible, and would like to be anywhere but inpatient, but believe it or not, people do have your best interests at heart, and are just doing their jobs. As miserable as I can be, I always try to make light of the obnoxious questions that get asked hundreds of times. Keeping your sense of humor surprises people and let’s them know you’re on board with what they’re trying to do, which is ultimately get you better. I also believe in thanking everybody, from the people who clean your room to the people who draw your blood (even if it takes them 6 tries after you ask them “are you good at what you do”) Little things make a big difference, and I even learned this stay that people were arguing over who got to be my night nurse (and here I was worried about being the high maintenance bitch people avoided)

2. It’s ok to speak up:
I have been doing this whole “hospital patient” thing longer than most of my doctors have been practicing. I know my body, and I know my symptoms. Basically when I go into the ER, I know what I need, and I know what needs to be done. I know what tests are a waste of time and money, and what could possibly mean something else. Trust your gut. Don’t be afraid to mention something that you think might be up, or refuse something that you know is irrelevant (again… if your doctor really insists, it might be worth it… I’m not giving medical advice here) you can make your ER process, or hospital stay a lot more productive if you are able to guide people through what has or has not worked for you, and reminding them that you have things to do and people to see can actually have an impact versus laying around waiting for them to make the next move. Things in the ER tend to move about as fast as a granny marathon...

3. Wardrobe:
This comes directly from a texting conversation early on, between divas.

A:“Tell me you are wearing adorable pj’s and not one of those horrible hospital gowns”
M: “Clearly.”

Not only does this prevent a major fashion faux pas, but it is a crucial step in maintaining one’s dignity and showing people who is in charge of your body. Nothing says “I don’t care” like a not properly sized sheet with sleeves and no back. Please. Nobody wants to see that, and I guarantee it is not going to help if you get chilly. Conveniently for me (or not so) I had been dressed for flying, so was already equipped with velour sweats and a t-shirt, and in my blind rage of packing, brought more sweats, and t-shirts from various conferences and musicals. It may not be a fashion show, but at least an opportunity to show people that you are still you. Fuzzy socks and sweatshirts are a must as well, you never know when they might be out of "footie slippers" or warm blankets... and hospital temperatures and fevers can be very unpredictable (much like airplanes)

4. Hygiene:
Be the girl that smells good. Trust me, it surprises people, and again shows you respect yourself. I am a huge believer in feeling good has a lot to do with looking good (or at least smelling good).

Although it can be a huge ordeal, do not go more than 3 day with at least some sort of sponge bath (or shower if possible). It might seem like a huge process, but I guarantee it will make you feel better, if only for a little while. Being sick is no excuse to get dread locks either. If you are seriously in a bad way, might I suggest braids as an elegant easy style that is perfect for miserable writhing in bed without too much damage and tangling.

Another rule I stand by all the time, whether it be on an airplane or just in winter weather. Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. Hospital air is just as atrocious as airplane air, and thus is torture for most skin. Bring your own lotion and apply frequently. Those little hospital slipper socks are fabulous to slip on after liberally moisturizing your feet (bonus if you talk someone into giving you an inpatient pedicure too) and letting it soak in while you lie about.

5. Room service it is not.
Oh the food. Granted, let me preface this with just how disenchanting it is to go from truffle mac and cheese and Marriott breakfast menus to a hospital menu that now says “room service.”

I just about cried when I saw the universe was mocking me so (and the fact that I knew my colleagues were going to be having sushi and receptions all week while I had orange sherbet and grilled cheese….)

One thing I have realized when I’m sick, is that my appetite is as up and down as my temperature. I either want nothing at all, or get one craving for something that won’t go away until I have it (usually something that is not on the “room service” menu). On one horrible hospital experience, my fellow diva and I actually ordered Chinese takeout and had it delivered directly to my room.

Other than that, I know the people that will visit that understand what I’m dealing with and offer to bring me lattes, or Thai food when I’m absolutely craving it. Don’t be afraid to ask what for you want. People will want you to “eat and get your strength back.” If you don’t have someone to go fetch your dietary requests, don’t be afraid to special order from the “room service” menu. For example… hospital scrambled eggs are far better with cheese though it’s not listed there. Always ask. The worst thing that can happen is they say no, you don’t eat and end up losing a couple pounds. Could be worse, right?

6. Connectivity is a right not a privilege
One of my trademarks is that I can be having blood drawn, or an IV in one arm, and the other will always have my blackberry.

Within the first five minutes of being admitted (and stabilized, obviously if I’m not feeling well I don’t care…) I know what the wifi availability is, or where I have to go to get it (I used to have to go to a crowded library with a username and password on public computer…tragic).

True divas cannot just go off the grid without some sort of update to let people know what’s going on (more on this soon) or to at least keep up with the celebrity gossip or what is going on in the outside world so they don’t feel completely hidden away, a la Repunzel sans her prince charming. Sometimes things simply must be done. I have e-mailed papers from the nurse’s station when I was in college, and most recently virtually streamed the day of speakers I was missing in DC then participated virtually in a strategic planning meeting via texting as well.

Granted, I’m a bit of a work-a-holic and have been resting since then, but true divas know when it’s important to have a presence, and when the statement to make is to be missed.

7. Have secrets:
This is sort of a newer thing I realized more this time, as my mother and I were having disputes of who was telling what information. Now that social media is a huge deal (take it or leave it, it’s there) it’s different than when I had a few select people I would keep informed of my health and the different stages of being sick (hey guys I’m in the ER, I’ll keep you posted, vs. “Ok, not looking good, probably going to have surgery, good thoughts please.” )

But now…when I post an “update” it goes to 600 people. Or if someone in my family posts an update it goes to another several hundred (who may or may not also be seeing mine). To me… information about my health is an earned privilege. I don’t believe in divulging my entire cyber-audience with details of what my blood count was or what my fever was.

I see it as the equivalent of a first date. You don’t go on a first date and say, “Hi, I’m Mal, I’m a little high maintenance and there is a chance I could go into the hospital with a severe infection, want to share an appetizer?” Brutal to say, sometimes the scary truth is a good way to push people away. Not everyone can handle it. Usually after the initial blast that things are not well and there has been a change of plans, I slowly get it narrowed down to the VIP’s who want to be in it for the long haul, and continue to keep them posted (these are usually the people I know will be dropping by with frequent lattes and new issues of magazines, knowing just what I need without me asking).
Otherwise my updates are vague and minimally dramatic (except when I become terribly bored and depressed and the walls are closing in). I find this is the best way, for several reasons, one of which, I have seen what people do when they do not have all the facts. One time I was in the hospital, I had told one of my friends that I had an infection, only to find out that it got turned into that I had AIDS. As much as I love RENT…. That is not the case. The less information that is out there, the less that can be misconstrued, and the less hysteria there is among my 600 “friends,” and the more I can actually rest and do my “get better thing.” This is only my process of course (and as my fellow diva Paris says, “Every heiress has to stay somewhat mysterious… if you don’t have secrets, make people think you do.” Being an open book is not cute). Some of you may love drama, in which case make things sound as scary as possible, but be prepared to diffuse a lot of rumor bombs and deal with people who treat you like creepy, catchy glass after.

8. Be selfish:
This may sound like it’s counteracting #1 (be polite) but you can do both! What I mean by this is- Let yourself be sick. Take the time to heal, and properly recover in style. If you don’t want people to visit you, it’s ok to say that. People usually feel like they don’t know what to do when you’re in the hospital, so if it means waiting for you to be out and taking you for coffee when you’ve got nothing to do, tell them that. If you don’t feel up to entertaining people in your hospital room and would rather watch “What Not to Wear” through half opened unshadowed eyelids, SAY THAT.

Use your silly little nurse call bell if you need help with something, that’s what it’s there for. You’re not being annoying… you’re SICK.

This also applies to when you are home, but still not feeling up to par. If you try to throw yourself back into your fantastic life at the pace you had before without actually letting your body recover, you will crash and burn, and that is not fabulous. Rest, sleep in, drink tea, watch lots of reality television, take hot showers and sleep after. Email all the people you answer to, and explain you are still recovering so you can skip things, guilt free.

You’ll know when you are ready to start taking things on again because you will begin getting bored. Divas can only be down for so long and friend and family online sales only last for so many weeks…
Give yourself the proper pampering, get a good night’s sleep, and perhaps a new NARS lipgloss (or three) and begin getting back into the swing of things. Before you know it, you will be back on a plane, overcommitted, wishing for a real vacation.

And best of luck. Just know, CSHN divas, you are not alone, and all the other sisters support you in your quest for staying well and being fabulous.
xoxo

Post hospital Update:

So here I am, about two weeks later, on my road back to fabulous, which is not actually as easy as it sounds.

Surely, it has been a bit enjoyable when I am feeling fairly decent to lounge in bed with my cat, watching the entire series of Cashmere Mafia on Netflix instant view (why, oh why do they cancel every show I end up loving!?!? What ever happened!?!?) but it has simply grown old feeling dizzy and nauseous and not being able to flit around as I had gotten accustomed to doing as I was on such a roll being a work-a-holic. And I think the hardest part is that it gets lonely.
There is a big misconception that once one is out of the hospital that everything is “better,” and I’m simply up and about again. Quite contrary. Most people still would’ve been inpatient for the duration of their IV antibiotics, but because we are good at what we do, they let me go home, it’s not because I’m “better.” So the novelty wears off for most people.Plus, not only did I miss my epic week in DC, but I missed Halloween, which is literally the first time in my entire life that this has happened. Never mind the fact I don't even remember the last time I went so long without leaving the house.

Finally, yesterday, I put real clothes on for the first time in 2 weeks, and broke out of the house to vote (gah, more on that when I have regained some emotional strength) and celebrate Red Cup day, showing my Starbucks crew that I am indeed still alive...
Thus, before I launch into the part 2 of this blog, which will be posted soon, I’d like to give shout outs to the people who stuck with me even though my reports didn’t change beyond I feel crappy, and “I’m sick of being miserable.”

Allie (who the following blog is mostly dedicated to)
Shannon- for fighting over who’s sicker, everyone I work with/for for making sure I actually could rest without feeling guilty for the first time like… ever.

Ashleigh- for encouraging my shopaholic and being my on call Sephora consultant.
My parents of course- for listening to me walk around the house groaning and whining for no particular reason without once telling me to shut up and get over it (and for giving me my big girl bed back)
Maisy- for sharing in my stir crazy madness and eating too much candy with me, while watching Halloweentown and Hocus Pocus every time it was on.

J.B. (not Justin Bieber)- for being my on the scene reporter of restoring sanity, and reminding me what I need to hurry up and get back to ☺
and

Taylor Swift for providing a soundtrack for my week of ultimate diva self pity fest ….

And now here is to another progressive week of rest and "getting better," so that I can be back to what I do, and take off for Houston next week! Stay tuned for the follow up blog from my epic hospital stay....

I made it to October! Video Blog!!!
Check it out! :)