Life is a Highway Part II

Here is the full saga of my adventure trying to transfer my out of state license after the big move. I will warn you, it's a SAGA. My hope is that maybe it can save other people some of the nonsense I went through. Feel free to read on if you have time. Prepare to get frustrated...

Five years ago, I got my driver’s license.  As some of you may know, it took me about ten years.  

What I didn’t think about was that after that, I might be moving to another state (two different states actually) and what that would mean for said driver’s license.

LUCKY FOR YOU.  Once again, I am here, to provide transition “lessons learned” so that if any of you driven, ambitious young people want to get the hell out of your home state you will know the steps to go through to eventually transfer your out of state license, be a real citizen of that state, and MAYBE have to make less ridiculous trips to the DMV than I did.

Let me back up a little bit.  

We moved to Colorado in August of 2015.  My license expires May 28, 2016.  I got my Colorado license today… with 12 days to spare, before my Maine license would expire

I made my first trip to the DMV in October of 2015.  There were a couple of reasons I waited to start the process a little late in the game.  The first one, is similar to why I waited to  transfer my healthcare when I was living Boston.  Because I just wasn’t sure.  As I have mentioned before, I am most definitely my own worst enemy when it comes to believing in myself, and my life choices.  WHAT IF I FAIL!?!?!?  What if I lose all my money and my job, and everyone hates me and we lose our apartment, and I have to move back to Maine!?!?!!? I might as well keep my Maine license, juuuust in case.

The second reason- let’s just be clear about this.  I AM NOT ACTUALLY DRIVING IN COLORADO.  My car, Lily, is happily in Maine, hanging out with my sister, because logistics, and I take the bus, and it’s fine.  Otherwise, I would have had to renew my out of state license within 30 days of changing my residence to Colorado (this may vary per state, so be sure to check)

Anyway, so one day in October, I took the morning off from work, and took an Uber to the specific DMV that does driver’s license (cha ching- $20).  I had done my research on the website, and had my proof of residency, my passport, my current license, a blood sample, my first born, etc etc.  

It really didn’t take that long to get called and go through the process, so I figured I was good to go.  However, when they called me up to get my photo taken, they had me review my information to make sure it was correct.  And my apartment # was wrong.  UGH. So, I mentioned it (come to find out, I managed to grab the ONE piece of mail that actually had my address wrong…but somehow it got to me so go figure) When I mentioned it was incorrect, they had me sit back down.  So I did, and waited, and waited.  And I knew I was not leaving with a license.

Sure enough, they called me back up, and having looked at my file, explained to me that I needed to have a form filled out by my doctor, because it said on my license that I needed accommodations in my vehicle THAT IS NOT EVEN IN THE STATE OF COLORADO.  I will say the staff was super nice, and even checked with the manager if this was the case, but it was.  Then they sent me on my way, with the form.

It’s kind of funny because I try not to be a big nerd who is like “Everything has to do with health care,” but you guys, everything has to do with health care.   

At this time, I was also transitioning to my second PCP because my first one just did not have follow through that I needed (that’s another blog).  I ended up switching to an Internal Medicine group, that is a lot better, so when I got my first appointment, I brought in the form, to this poor doctor who has never even met me.  She was nice, and didn’t ask many questions, and filled out the form.  

Then the holidays, work, and life happened, and I didn’t have the opportunity to take ANOTHER morning off to go to the DMV and do this again.  But, since the clock was ticking, I found a day.  I made sure all my mail had the correct address, paper-clipped all my crap together, took another Uber (cha-ching) and went back to east middle of Nowhere to the Driver’s License office.

This guy was also super nice, but as he examined the form, he told me that it didn’t include the specific information it needed explaining my particular accommodations that I need IN MY VEHICLE THAT IS NOT IN COLORADO.

I asked him (still being my super nice, Advocate self)  “Ok, well does it say to include that information on the form?”

DMV Dude: “Well, no.  But the doctor is just supposed to know.”

Clearly, they teach mind reading in med school.  I wish they had taught that in Public Health school, then maybe I would have known what I needed before I went to the DMV twice

I know he was just trying to help, but clearly not understanding how healthcare works, this kind young man said “Well if you can go back today and have them fill it out, and come back, I can help you right away.”

My doctor’s office is a half an hour in the OPPOSITE direction from my house, so about an hour from the DMV, which is in the middle of nowhere in the other direction.  Also,  you don’t just stroll into Internal Medicine and say “Hey, I need someone who can just jot some words on this form.  AGAIN.”

This was also the day of the Super Bowl parade, so getting anywhere in the city would take twice as long.  I ALSO need to mention, that in my current job, I do not have paid time off.  Not only am I paying to Uber each time, but I’m missing valuable work time that I am not getting compensated for.  My choice, but still, another factor that makes each DMV trip even more painful.

After they sent me away the second time, I had a very long moral dilemma.  I had a form with my doctor’s signature, and we had discussed my accommodations and everything I needed, technically I could just write in the notes section, whatever they needed and save myself a trip BACK to my doctor’s office.  I also didn’t have health insurance during this time, so I was not about to be billed for a dr filling out a form they ALREADY FILLED OUT.

Finally, I decided I was just going to fill in the information, and make another trip to the DMV.  Well, apparently the universe didn’t think that was a good idea because the form was blank.  After my second trip, the guy at the DMV had TAKEN THE FORM THAT WAS SIGNED and given me a blank one, without even telling me.  I was literally back at square one.  Are you kidding me?

At this point, I had lost much of my motivation to even make this happen.  The other reason that I was in such a panic to get my CO license in the first place was because I was going to be applying for jobs with the state, and having a CO license is a requirement.  At this point though, I had gone through the process and checked with HR, and since I already worked at the state, and could prove residency, as long as I was working on it, they told me it wasn’t as urgent.  That helped me relax a little bit, but I still just wanted to get it done.  The clock was still ticking, and as I mentioned, after spending 10 years trying to get my license, I will be damned if I was going to sacrifice it because the system is completely inefficient.

Fast forward to May, after four months of not having health insurance (another blog), and I make an appointment to see my new PCP, and figure i’ll have her fill out the form ONCE AGAIN.  Please note- this was AFTER I had been messaging with my team (who are all residents so I never see the same person twice) and they said I could mail the form, and they would fill it out and send it back.  Then they told me I needed to make an appointment EVEN THOUGH THEY ALREADY FILLED IT OUT ONCE.  But whatever, at this point I had other issues I wanted to discuss anyway so I actually just took a whole freaking day off in the name of wellness and took the bus to the doctor.  Because Eff Uber when the sun is out and I have nothing but time.  

I go to the doctor, and wait… wait… because healthcare is inefficient.  Then I get in with the doctor, and she says, “So you’re here for some paperwork?”  

“Yes, and you have the paperwork.  It was in an envelope with a note that included very specific instructions on what to write and it had a note that said, DO NOT LOSE THIS FORM.”

“I’ll be right back.”

I’m sure you know where this is going.  They couldn’t find the form.  I decided before I even went, I was not leaving without this form so I told them to find it.   They were super gracious, and they did find it.  Let me re-emphasize. I WROTE DOWN what I wanted them to write on the form.  This was another person who had never met me, so I basically did all the work and they got to bill my insurance.  CHA- CHING.  I left with the form.

Today, 2 weeks after that appointment, I decided to just take the plunge.  I gathered all my documentation UH-GAIN.  Left the house at 7 a.m. in the rain and Ubered to the DMV.  Luckily, I had the same girl I had the first time, who raised both eyebrows when I said “Maybe third time’s the charm?”

In less than 20 minutes, I was waiting to get my picture taken.  I was a little worried when she disappeared for a little too long, that there was some other reason I wouldn’t be leaving with a license, but I made a vow to myself I was not leaving until it was complete.  I was done playing games.  

So now 6 months later, I left with my Colorado license and and a goofy picture because apparently in Colorado you can’t show your teeth when you smile, BUT I DON’T CARE!!  Now that this is behind me, next time I can just renew this baby online!  The Maine chapter of my identity is officially off the books… there you have it!

Best of luck to all of you as you move into your new lives, and new identities.

For those of you who want the TL:DR version, here are my top five lessons learned from the Driver’s License Saga Part II:

1. Don’t trust the internet.  If you have an adapted vehicle or any sort of your driving experience was a little different, call ahead of time to see if there is any additional documentation you need (I went back and looked, and that part of the website was down. Of course)
2. Make copies of everything and stay organized!!!!! I wish I would’ve asked for a copy of the form before they took it away (But I thought I was getting the same one back) JUST SCAN OR MAKE COPIES.  After my first trip, I just kept the documents I knew had the correct information so if I did have time to go back, I could just grab my “DMV packet!”  It saved everyone time once  got there.
3. Keep your cool.  Whether TSA or the DMV, if there are added steps for you, even if you are annoyed, take a deep breath and be clear on what you need to do.  It’s ok to mention there are gaps in the process or how it can be improved, but leave with a smile or at least a “Thank you.” and  you’re more likely to get what you need eventually.
4. DIY. Always.  If  you want something done right the first (or second time) DO IT YOURSELF. Clearly my PCP who I was meeting for the first time is not going to know about my car in Maine.  Write the exact language you want them to put on the form, this goes for any sort of eligibility requests, or Medical Necessity as well.  Any guidance you can provide, saves them a lot of time and will get you your form back a lot quicker.  If you don’t know the language to use, find an advocate or someone who can help you make sure you’re “playing the game” correctly.  Hit me up, I minored in this!
5. DON’T GIVE UP.  Seriously.  Cheesy as it sounds.  Figure out what you need, and the people who can help you get it, and keep at it.  The system is broken, but we can’t let it win.  I will definitely be writing a letter, since if that form had been on the website, it would have made my life a lot easier, but ultimately I got what I came here for, and I can now take a deep breath and enjoy my new Colorado life.  

All in a day’s work!  

Life is a Highway

January 28, 2010 is a day that will live in infamy.

I got my driver’s license. As all of my close friends know, and maybe even some of my online followers/friends at this point, know, this is a HUGE deal.

I am completely excited to have such independence. No more going six days at a time without leaving the house, or waiting until we only have ramen and coffee mate to go grocery shopping, or not having any time by myself to just get away. I can see my friends without making them come all the way out and bring me home. Even though I owe people about three years of being the DD, it is so completely worth it.

It’s been an ongoing process for about 8 years. My sister, who is 16 now, will probably be getting her license shortly too…and I started when I was her age.

Let me back up a little…

I signed up for Driver’s Ed when I was fifteen (the age of driver’s ed.) I wanted to take it with all my peers even though at this time I didn’t have a car. I knew that this would make it challenging for me to get “my hours” in on the road, but after talking to the school they told me to enroll and we would “get the ball rolling.” There was no ball. It did not roll. It came to a screeching halt. Halfway through the class portion, the teacher took me out to sit in her car to “assess” what I might need for adaptations. As one would predict, my legs came to about the end of the driver’s seat and I couldn’t see over the steering wheel.

“Hmm, yea that’s going to be tricky.” She said. And class continued.

After doing some research completely on our own, we located an adaptive driving instructor out of Scarborough (which was a bit out of the way from our house, but we didn’t know what else to do). We were able to hire him, with the help of Voc Rehab and I was able to get my driving hours with him enough to complete driver’s Ed and get my permit!

Hooray!!! One step closer! I was so excited! I bought a purple stuffed Grateful Dead bear to celebrate. I have no idea why I remember that. But he was so cuddly!

After that the goal was to get something I could drive so that I could feel comfortable and take my road test.

At one point there was a scary van that we knew I wouldn’t be able to drive, but we needed something to transport my scooter, so this was already the second scooter van in the picture.

In order to get any adaptations you have to get an “evaluation” to determine what you need, and can use safely, which, duh, makes sense. However, my evaluation seemed to not even really evaluate anything. Once again I sat in a car in which I could not see over the steering wheel, and the hand controls I was supposed to be using were too hard for me to use, so I never even accelerated. I coasted along in a graveyard for about ten minutes. But apparently they saw all they needed to see.

We went inside, and the evaluator explained something about I had issues with the strength in my arms, and it made the most sense that I have hand controls. Really? Read that out loud and tell me how that makes the most sense? I spoke up and inquired about something called pedal extensions, which I had heard of, and figured they must exist! A lot of short people drive!

I was quickly told “they don’t make them that big,” the idea was brushed aside, and hand controls it was.

In addition to hand controls, I ended up with a smaller steering wheel, a remote ramp (which was essential for transporting my scooter which I needed to attend school), and voice command controls off of the steering wheel. Now that concept sounds really cool, like you would say, “Turn on the radio” and it would, but it wasn’t like that at all. Instead, there were two buttons and each button had a list of commands such as “horn, left blinker, right blinker,” etc. and the driver would then have to memorize which button had which commands and when it would be aid (which I don’t think I ever even did)

Maybe for some people this system works, but in most cases, and in mine, it just did not come natural, and certain things like turn signals and horn, when you need them you need them, you can’t be searching for them. Beyond the adaptations, the car itself was possessed by some sort of auto demon. When it would rain the locks would go on and off until the battery died, whether the car was on or not (this also caused the keys to get locked inside it on more than one occasion) and the power steering would just shriek for no good reason and we could never figure out how to turn it off. My parents and the couple of friends who drove this were terrified of it, and because of all the “quirks” it was in the shop more than it was in my driveway. I got pretty comfortable driving, but even when I did, my arms got so tired from the position I needed to drive in I could only get about half way to school.

There was just no way I was going to learn to drive on this thing. I didn’t even want to go near it…Beyond the sheer vanity of not wanting to drive a mini-van, it just wasn’t safe.

In the mean time, my focus was on school, a few years went by and I kept having to renew my permit. I probably have the written test memorized. In case you were wondering- Red means stop.

Fast forward to fall of 2008,

While attending the annual dinner for the Disability Rights Center I met an amazing woman named Sarah who happened to just be an eensy bit shorter than me! And guess what? She had her license! And guess what? She didn’t drive a van, and she had pedal extensions!!!

After the dinner she let me go out and look at her car, and for the first time since this whole debacle began, my feet were on pedals and my hands were on the wheel. It was amazing. She gave me the names of the places she went for her evaluation (which of course was out of state) and the place that did her adaptations.

It was going to happen. It NEEDED to happen.

After concluding I was never going to drive the van, and it really was doing more harm than good, we decided to just start over and let me have a car that I wanted, and that I felt comfortable driving. I was going to have say in this.

First we went for a new evaluation, during which I drove a Honda Element with pedals, and actually turned, and accelerate, and stop at stop signs and get a real driving experience. When it was over it the guy told me confidently that he didn’t see any reason I couldn’t drive with pedal extensions.

We sold the van, to someone who could actually use the adaptations and it was no longer my concern. I was on to look at a car I actually wanted. THE FUN PART. I had looked at cars a little bit online, and one random day when my dad and I were out shopping we went to look. My first choice was the Honda Fit, which were pretty new at this time, but I wanted to check it out. We checked one out and took it for a spin and instantly, I was in love.

It felt RIGHT. Nothing before in my life had ever felt so right. I always read about when people apply to college and how “when you know, you know” and I never had that feeling, about school, or a car or anything. But this. I could see myself in this car.

We continued to shop around, and tried Chevies, and Pontiacs, and even my childhood dream car the VW Beetle, but it just didn’t click. At the same time my parents were looking for a new car and randomly when my parents went to a Honda dealers to look at used SUV’s, I saw a blackberry pearl Honda fit in the lot. I inquired about it, just out of curiosity and the guy told me it was a standard, and it was taken, but they would be getting another shipment within the next week, with an automatic. I knew that was my car.

Sure enough, on June 13^th 2008, my 2008 Honda Fit in Blackberry Pearl came off the assembly line and into my driveway. I was pumped! I wanted to drive this. I wanted to call her mine. Even my sister (who had no desire to drive either until she sat in this car) sat, “Wow Mal she really is you in car form!”

The biggest hold up after this was when the car was getting adapted at the wonderful place called Autotronics. They did an amazing job, and I didn’t care that they had her for so long because I knew it wouldn’t have to go back. They even thought of little things like what I wanted my seat to be covered with, and what would work best for getting in and out. They really wanted me to be comfortable and feel like this was MY CAR, not a mass-produced “adapted vehicle”

Finally when all was said and done, all I had for adaptations were a smaller steering wheel, a customized seat, and pedal extensions. Sometimes simpler really is better.

After my car was finally adapted, the hold up was only on me. I was going through a lot of other transitions, with moving and focusing on work, and then there was health stuff, so there was never a time when I could fully focus on driving. When I was ready I would know.

Finally, there was a time when I was surrounded by negative energy way too much. I had no choice because I couldn’t just up and leave. That was the catalyst for me. I needed freedom. I sent Sarah a facebook message asking who taught her to drive with her adaptations. She sent me the info to the place and after a couple of phone calls, it was set. I took driving lessons from about October, with a great guy who really made me feel comfortable. He stayed with me and even took me out right before my test and gave me all the pointers and made me parallel park for an hour outside the DMV.

When the time came, I felt ready! I sat in the car with the examiner, and he made me show him all the basic steps of my car, like how to use the lights, wipers, etc. then we were off. The test lasted all of 23 minutes, and I really thought I would fail (because I was just prepared to not pass on the first time). After what felt like a blink, we pulled back into the parking lot he said, “well you did great, you passed!” And I just went “What!!!?!? Are you serious!?” I almost burst into tears in my car, but I didn’t. I just thanked him profusely and assured him there would be a lot of excited people because of this road test! I told my parents, then I bought myself a Sam’s Caesar wrap and drove home. It’s still surreal.

Although the whole process was frustrating, it was a learning experience in the world of advocacy like so many other things I’ve been through. I think the biggest thing I learned is that, you always have the right to speak up when things don’t feel right, or if you know it’s not the way for you to be successful. I went for a long time believing that these people knew more than me because I had nothing to compare it to, but I could asked for more information on pedal extensions from the beginning and really tried for what I knew was out there. Another thing that really applies to everything is- persistence is key. I could’ve stopped at driver’s ed and said “this is going to be too hard” or just stopped calling people when they didn’t pick up the first time, but this was what I wanted and I knew I had to stick with it.

But the bottom line is that everything happens for a reason. Truly, looking back, there’s no way I was ready to drive when I was 15. If I had gotten my license earlier, who’s to say I wouldn’t have just up and left when I was unhappy at school? Or that I would have been home on weekends to grow so close to my sister and my family? I think it’s very clear to see that it truly happened when it was meant to, and when I knew it was right. 2010 is my year and I can honestly say that I am a licensed driver, with a renewed confidence and the world at my fingertips. Watch out world!