Life is a Highway Part II

Here is the full saga of my adventure trying to transfer my out of state license after the big move. I will warn you, it's a SAGA. My hope is that maybe it can save other people some of the nonsense I went through. Feel free to read on if you have time. Prepare to get frustrated...

Five years ago, I got my driver’s license.  As some of you may know, it took me about ten years.  

What I didn’t think about was that after that, I might be moving to another state (two different states actually) and what that would mean for said driver’s license.

LUCKY FOR YOU.  Once again, I am here, to provide transition “lessons learned” so that if any of you driven, ambitious young people want to get the hell out of your home state you will know the steps to go through to eventually transfer your out of state license, be a real citizen of that state, and MAYBE have to make less ridiculous trips to the DMV than I did.

Let me back up a little bit.  

We moved to Colorado in August of 2015.  My license expires May 28, 2016.  I got my Colorado license today… with 12 days to spare, before my Maine license would expire

I made my first trip to the DMV in October of 2015.  There were a couple of reasons I waited to start the process a little late in the game.  The first one, is similar to why I waited to  transfer my healthcare when I was living Boston.  Because I just wasn’t sure.  As I have mentioned before, I am most definitely my own worst enemy when it comes to believing in myself, and my life choices.  WHAT IF I FAIL!?!?!?  What if I lose all my money and my job, and everyone hates me and we lose our apartment, and I have to move back to Maine!?!?!!? I might as well keep my Maine license, juuuust in case.

The second reason- let’s just be clear about this.  I AM NOT ACTUALLY DRIVING IN COLORADO.  My car, Lily, is happily in Maine, hanging out with my sister, because logistics, and I take the bus, and it’s fine.  Otherwise, I would have had to renew my out of state license within 30 days of changing my residence to Colorado (this may vary per state, so be sure to check)

Anyway, so one day in October, I took the morning off from work, and took an Uber to the specific DMV that does driver’s license (cha ching- $20).  I had done my research on the website, and had my proof of residency, my passport, my current license, a blood sample, my first born, etc etc.  

It really didn’t take that long to get called and go through the process, so I figured I was good to go.  However, when they called me up to get my photo taken, they had me review my information to make sure it was correct.  And my apartment # was wrong.  UGH. So, I mentioned it (come to find out, I managed to grab the ONE piece of mail that actually had my address wrong…but somehow it got to me so go figure) When I mentioned it was incorrect, they had me sit back down.  So I did, and waited, and waited.  And I knew I was not leaving with a license.

Sure enough, they called me back up, and having looked at my file, explained to me that I needed to have a form filled out by my doctor, because it said on my license that I needed accommodations in my vehicle THAT IS NOT EVEN IN THE STATE OF COLORADO.  I will say the staff was super nice, and even checked with the manager if this was the case, but it was.  Then they sent me on my way, with the form.

It’s kind of funny because I try not to be a big nerd who is like “Everything has to do with health care,” but you guys, everything has to do with health care.   

At this time, I was also transitioning to my second PCP because my first one just did not have follow through that I needed (that’s another blog).  I ended up switching to an Internal Medicine group, that is a lot better, so when I got my first appointment, I brought in the form, to this poor doctor who has never even met me.  She was nice, and didn’t ask many questions, and filled out the form.  

Then the holidays, work, and life happened, and I didn’t have the opportunity to take ANOTHER morning off to go to the DMV and do this again.  But, since the clock was ticking, I found a day.  I made sure all my mail had the correct address, paper-clipped all my crap together, took another Uber (cha-ching) and went back to east middle of Nowhere to the Driver’s License office.

This guy was also super nice, but as he examined the form, he told me that it didn’t include the specific information it needed explaining my particular accommodations that I need IN MY VEHICLE THAT IS NOT IN COLORADO.

I asked him (still being my super nice, Advocate self)  “Ok, well does it say to include that information on the form?”

DMV Dude: “Well, no.  But the doctor is just supposed to know.”

Clearly, they teach mind reading in med school.  I wish they had taught that in Public Health school, then maybe I would have known what I needed before I went to the DMV twice

I know he was just trying to help, but clearly not understanding how healthcare works, this kind young man said “Well if you can go back today and have them fill it out, and come back, I can help you right away.”

My doctor’s office is a half an hour in the OPPOSITE direction from my house, so about an hour from the DMV, which is in the middle of nowhere in the other direction.  Also,  you don’t just stroll into Internal Medicine and say “Hey, I need someone who can just jot some words on this form.  AGAIN.”

This was also the day of the Super Bowl parade, so getting anywhere in the city would take twice as long.  I ALSO need to mention, that in my current job, I do not have paid time off.  Not only am I paying to Uber each time, but I’m missing valuable work time that I am not getting compensated for.  My choice, but still, another factor that makes each DMV trip even more painful.

After they sent me away the second time, I had a very long moral dilemma.  I had a form with my doctor’s signature, and we had discussed my accommodations and everything I needed, technically I could just write in the notes section, whatever they needed and save myself a trip BACK to my doctor’s office.  I also didn’t have health insurance during this time, so I was not about to be billed for a dr filling out a form they ALREADY FILLED OUT.

Finally, I decided I was just going to fill in the information, and make another trip to the DMV.  Well, apparently the universe didn’t think that was a good idea because the form was blank.  After my second trip, the guy at the DMV had TAKEN THE FORM THAT WAS SIGNED and given me a blank one, without even telling me.  I was literally back at square one.  Are you kidding me?

At this point, I had lost much of my motivation to even make this happen.  The other reason that I was in such a panic to get my CO license in the first place was because I was going to be applying for jobs with the state, and having a CO license is a requirement.  At this point though, I had gone through the process and checked with HR, and since I already worked at the state, and could prove residency, as long as I was working on it, they told me it wasn’t as urgent.  That helped me relax a little bit, but I still just wanted to get it done.  The clock was still ticking, and as I mentioned, after spending 10 years trying to get my license, I will be damned if I was going to sacrifice it because the system is completely inefficient.

Fast forward to May, after four months of not having health insurance (another blog), and I make an appointment to see my new PCP, and figure i’ll have her fill out the form ONCE AGAIN.  Please note- this was AFTER I had been messaging with my team (who are all residents so I never see the same person twice) and they said I could mail the form, and they would fill it out and send it back.  Then they told me I needed to make an appointment EVEN THOUGH THEY ALREADY FILLED IT OUT ONCE.  But whatever, at this point I had other issues I wanted to discuss anyway so I actually just took a whole freaking day off in the name of wellness and took the bus to the doctor.  Because Eff Uber when the sun is out and I have nothing but time.  

I go to the doctor, and wait… wait… because healthcare is inefficient.  Then I get in with the doctor, and she says, “So you’re here for some paperwork?”  

“Yes, and you have the paperwork.  It was in an envelope with a note that included very specific instructions on what to write and it had a note that said, DO NOT LOSE THIS FORM.”

“I’ll be right back.”

I’m sure you know where this is going.  They couldn’t find the form.  I decided before I even went, I was not leaving without this form so I told them to find it.   They were super gracious, and they did find it.  Let me re-emphasize. I WROTE DOWN what I wanted them to write on the form.  This was another person who had never met me, so I basically did all the work and they got to bill my insurance.  CHA- CHING.  I left with the form.

Today, 2 weeks after that appointment, I decided to just take the plunge.  I gathered all my documentation UH-GAIN.  Left the house at 7 a.m. in the rain and Ubered to the DMV.  Luckily, I had the same girl I had the first time, who raised both eyebrows when I said “Maybe third time’s the charm?”

In less than 20 minutes, I was waiting to get my picture taken.  I was a little worried when she disappeared for a little too long, that there was some other reason I wouldn’t be leaving with a license, but I made a vow to myself I was not leaving until it was complete.  I was done playing games.  

So now 6 months later, I left with my Colorado license and and a goofy picture because apparently in Colorado you can’t show your teeth when you smile, BUT I DON’T CARE!!  Now that this is behind me, next time I can just renew this baby online!  The Maine chapter of my identity is officially off the books… there you have it!

Best of luck to all of you as you move into your new lives, and new identities.

For those of you who want the TL:DR version, here are my top five lessons learned from the Driver’s License Saga Part II:

1. Don’t trust the internet.  If you have an adapted vehicle or any sort of your driving experience was a little different, call ahead of time to see if there is any additional documentation you need (I went back and looked, and that part of the website was down. Of course)
2. Make copies of everything and stay organized!!!!! I wish I would’ve asked for a copy of the form before they took it away (But I thought I was getting the same one back) JUST SCAN OR MAKE COPIES.  After my first trip, I just kept the documents I knew had the correct information so if I did have time to go back, I could just grab my “DMV packet!”  It saved everyone time once  got there.
3. Keep your cool.  Whether TSA or the DMV, if there are added steps for you, even if you are annoyed, take a deep breath and be clear on what you need to do.  It’s ok to mention there are gaps in the process or how it can be improved, but leave with a smile or at least a “Thank you.” and  you’re more likely to get what you need eventually.
4. DIY. Always.  If  you want something done right the first (or second time) DO IT YOURSELF. Clearly my PCP who I was meeting for the first time is not going to know about my car in Maine.  Write the exact language you want them to put on the form, this goes for any sort of eligibility requests, or Medical Necessity as well.  Any guidance you can provide, saves them a lot of time and will get you your form back a lot quicker.  If you don’t know the language to use, find an advocate or someone who can help you make sure you’re “playing the game” correctly.  Hit me up, I minored in this!
5. DON’T GIVE UP.  Seriously.  Cheesy as it sounds.  Figure out what you need, and the people who can help you get it, and keep at it.  The system is broken, but we can’t let it win.  I will definitely be writing a letter, since if that form had been on the website, it would have made my life a lot easier, but ultimately I got what I came here for, and I can now take a deep breath and enjoy my new Colorado life.  

All in a day’s work!  

She Needs Wide Open Spaces

Hello from yet another unintentional blogging hiatus.  I have wanted to write for some time now, but you know… life.

I actually had to laugh because I was reading old entries from last winter, and I shared my frustration with the people who kept telling us, if we didn’t like the weather in Boston, “just move.” 

Well, SURPRISE.  We did.

Greetings, from the Mile High City, Denver Colorado, for the next chapter of this journey.  I know right?

So here’s what happened.  After that cathartic, terrible, eye opening winter in Boston, we realized that our lives were just not what we wanted them to be in that city. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, it just turned out to be a lot more than we bargained for, without a lot of pay off (aka, things that made us happy, to balance out the crappier parts)

Another thing that happened, which I will be transparent about, because I don’t think we do enough of that when talking about transition- is that we actually couldn’t really afford to stay in Boston.   Before I graduated, we got the letter that they were raising our rent (as well as taking away things we had, charging for others, etc. but that’s another blog) Owen and I had talked about what we were going to do after I graduated, and although we did not want to “settle,” in Boston, we figured we might be able to make due for another year until we had a reason to relocate.  When the letter came, saying that they wanted us to pay $1950 (with nothing included) for our tiny studio, we made the decision to not sign the lease.  We didn’t know what that meant, or where we would go, but it was the kick in the butt we needed to realize we actually didn’t WANT to stay in Boston.

To dart around a little bit, after we attended AMCHP in January, before Snowmageddon hit, I began to see that I had options.  MCH was my home, my family, and although there were times I actually didn’t feel wanted or needed in Boston, people elsewhere seemed pretty interested that I was graduating in May.  

Not to toot my own horn, but Owen compared it to the NFL draft (toot, toot).

Now, I had been to Denver before, actually it was four years ago today that I was here for some transition work, and met some of the people I’d ultimately be working with (small world), and we had sort of been joking about Team Denver for some time, but after the conference, I really started thinking about it.

• The weather is better
• Closer to Owen’s family, and lifestyle (Boston doesn’t know much in the way of hunting, etc.)
• Amazing support system
• Good health care
• Good economy (thanks weed)
• Potential job opportunities
• Decent transportation
• Nobody we talked to had a single negative  thing to say about Denver (some people actually said it’s the best city in the world.  When we told people we were moving to Boston they asked if we were crazy)

Soon, when people asked what I was doing after graduation, I found myself saying “I think we’re moving to Colorado!”  Before I even realized the words were coming out of my mouth.

The other thing I have to laugh about, is that, in my speeches about transition, I always say how, “We don’t have the luxury of just going somewhere and ‘figuring it out.” Like many young people who simply want to move somewhere, but once again, that’s exactly what we did.

After recovering from a vacation, and multiple graduations, we took the plunge and booked a trip to Denver.  We packed clothes for potential interviews, slept on my best friend’s couch and checked it out for the week.

People once again, laughed and said, “Oh cool, you’re going to out there for a week and find a job, and a place to live?”  and HA. HA.  WE DID.

Ok, not exactly- we didn’t get the first apartment we wanted (transition transparency) because it was a little out of our price range just starting out, but when we got home, we put down a deposit on a studio in the building we had just stayed in and ended up getting approved- ON OUR VERY OWN (without a co-signer) It was  A BREEZE, compared to finding housing in Boston (when I was terrified we actually were adopting a child…there was so much money, paperwork and screening involved)

Here's the before and "after," of our new apartment!

And after some meetings while we were there, I had a job description in my inbox for a position at the Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment.  We had to take it as a sign that it was meant to be.

There are a lot of things I want to write about, but I wanted to just let people know WE JUST MOVED before going forward writing about our life here.

 

The weirdest thing about this move has really been how I have felt about it.  For some reason, leaving Boston, I keep having to tell myself, “you have not failed. You are not letting people down.”  For some reason it feels like a foreign concept to people when you say, “We moved because we weren’t happy.”  It seems that since we had an apartment and jobs, we should have been content. Why leave?

But one of my mentors who kept me moving forward in the job hunt/grad school/life in Boston thing, said as I was contemplating this transition, 

“You have not failed.  You actually have achieved ultimate success because you can CHOOSE to really go anywhere and you have built those networks. Nobody else did that for you.”  

And I began to see it differently.

It still feels weird sometimes though, because Boston was everything I THOUGHT I wanted.  It was a life that the “old me,” had created, full of things I thought I wanted to do and changes that the world was not ready to make.

The hardest part of leaving Boston wasn’t about leaving that studio apartment in Allston, or selling our Bob’s discount furniture, it has been about accepting who I am not, and who I really am as I continue to grow up and create my life with Owen.  I achieved my dream, only to realize it was not the dream I wanted anymore.

Now, as I sit here, in a new, much bigger studio, with my pumpkin spice coffee and the sun shining in the window, I realize, the dream is really just beginning, and for the first time, in a really long time.  I’m happy.

I can haz transition?

You know what’s funny?

Transition is pretty hard!  Whodathunk?

Well I did… which is why I decided to not do it for a while, and just become the (apparent) expert on it in the country!  Too bad I have this ridiculously inconvenient drive to do big things, and continue to grow, learn, and reach for my dreams.  Who do I think I am?

I’m being reminded that everything I do becomes an advocacy movement, and I’m ok with that.  It’s gotten me to where I am, and I’m not going to stop, but to be perfectly transparent, it’s a little exhausting.

Nobody mentions that it’s damn tiring to “be the change you want to see in the world.”   But I suppose that’s why there’s Starbucks.

A couple weeks ago, I had the honor and privilege to attend the National Seminar on Disability Policy, with Owen, and many representatives from Nevada, and their Developmental Disabilities Council.  I originally booked a flight, assuming that I would’ve gotten into GWU, they would be fantastic, and Owen and I could set up life in DC during the four days I was down there. 

Perhaps I did get into GWU.  The world may never know….(as they have not actually corresponded with me beyond “your application is still being reviewed”)  So that’s another rant, but long story short, I had this flight booked and some time in DC, turns out many of the people I was going to try to get together with weren’t actually around, and I had quite a bit of free time, which I decided to utilize by just going to the conference- honestly folks, who doesn’t like to go to really depressing key notes and hear stories of budget cuts as a vacation.  Sounds like a retreat to me!!!

To be perfectly transparent, I didn’t think this had much to do with me, and didn’t understand the full concept of “developmental disabilities.”  Boy did I get a schoolin’ from team NV.

After I finally got to DC (after missing my flight, staying a night by myself in Portland, and being rebooked by the angels at US Airways) I took a nap, showered, got out of my punch drunk tired state of mind, I went with Owen to one of the plenary sessions where they talked about the demise that is our Medicaid programs, and how we need to defend the community approach vs. institutionalizing people with disabilities.  My heart sank, but my ears perked.  This is exactly what we’re also talking about with transition, and that I have been proving for my own case for many years.  I started thinking of all the people I knew who had they not had the level of family and community support they did, would be in nursing homes.  Oh, you know, like me.  That flame inside me flared.

After that, Owen and I went to dinner at Capitol City Brewing, across the street from our hotel.  We were able to breathe, debrief, and talk about our future together, and the reality of moving, which we both began to realize, is going to be a reality.  We had amazing food, and beer, and remembered how good it is to just be together without one of us being on screen.

The next day, I decided to head to Capitol Hill with all of the NV crew because I didn’t really want to sit in a hotel room all day alone, and I just wanted to see what it was all about.   Straight out of the gate we sat down with a Senator (who I’m sorry, looked remarkably like Donald Trump) who immediately was drawn to me, and I knew that I probably couldn’t just pretend to not be from around here.

In that first hill visit I learned that a developmental disability is “not an intellectual disability but anything that occurs before the age of 22, and affects 3 or more areas of life.”  Again, much of our transitioning adult population.

I also watched in awe as this amazingly choreographed presentation raised points of community inclusions and helping these people with disabilities become tax paying citizens (= more return on investment for the government) They knew the market they were speaking too, and it was important to learn as that is going to be most of our market as we continue to advocate.

We went from building to building, parading in and out of elevators, until we reached our last hill visit, with the staff of Senator Reid’s office (he gave me an award at the Vegas conference last year, so I felt a little attachment).  It had been a long day, but again the presentation went as planned, and I had moved to introducing myself as a national advocate, cause hey… I am.  I had done so well, to keep my mouth shut, but it was at this visit that all the points and thoughts that had been building in my head just couldn’t be confined anymore.   

One of the staff members said, “oh… this is great to hear but I work more with issues of healthcare.”   WELL isn’t that ironic.   I immediately introduced myself as being from the national center for healthcare transition and talked about the connection between health and community involvement/successful transitions.  Case in point, if a young adult has no obligation to get up in the morning, no job, no school, no positive relationships, what do they have to be healthy for?  Living a stationary lifestyle no doubt leads to more health issues.   Then the other staff member chimed in saying he was concerned with issues of SSI.  And I explained how we need to find that balance of helping our people with disabilities, specifically transitioning young adults find that level of success where they can work and make money, and be a contributing tax paying citizen, but still maintain the supports that it took to get them to be able to do that. 

I felt my face getting hot.  It was personal now.  I explained how bills like the DD act (read more here) affect things like accessibility that you may want to work and go to school and be a contributing citizen, but none of that is possible if you can’t get in the door.

After that, we went to a reception, and I saw people I knew from all over, and was able to introduce them to Owen and tell them about our plans.  Then we got to meet Senator Harkin who has been a huge champion for all things ADA.  It was a whirlwind of a day, but at the end of it I realized something pretty cool.

We are not only advocating for what’s right, and many people with disabilities.  We are advocating for OUR future, as we’re living it….

That sort of takes our relationship to a whole other level, and it’s neat to think that we can rally for things like this together.  Psh, movie dates, give us Capitol Hill!!!

So back home, the journey continues, and it’s everything we were advocating for on the hill.  I’m continuing to figure out my insurance and financial aid, like any typical grad student.  Luckily I’m moving to a state that requires you to have insurance…

And we’re looking for an apartment.   Not like any other grad student.  Bottom line it shouldn’t BE so difficult to find an accessible building.  It’s 2012.  And don’t give me, “It’s Boston, the buildings are old.”  I will not favor architecture over humanity.

Beyond that, I’m coming to a remarkable discovery that there is very little presence of a “middle class with disabilities,” which I find hard to believe as I know so many people who are living independently, but from my research in this moment, you basically need to be completely reliant on the state and on a list for subsidized housing, willing to live in a senior/disabled living center, or have a trust fund and a penthouse with a doorman.  What about the people who have been able to sustain themselves financially and are actually in the housing market?

 “Are there any realtors that specialize in working with people with disabilities?”

“Well… no because most of them can’t afford to look at market price.”

Well it sounds like I have found myself a mid-life crisis career, but in the meantime, I have many eyes and ears in Boston helping us, communication with lots of orgs, and the school, and an attitude that we will not settle for less than we deserve.  For all that we have done, for others, and the disability movement, I sure as hell am not going to step back and say that we can’t have the future that we are creating.

Transition?  Come at me bro.

Back to School (after Irene)

(post dated- 8/28)

So there’s this hurricane…

The power’s back, but cable isn’t. Everyone is napping, since we mostly don’t remember how to interact without being able to fall back on internet access. But sleep and I have not been getting along so well lately, and I figure what better opportunity to write than right now, where it’s just the sound of my keys, and the wind and rain (hey tree… please don’t come through our sliding glass door. That’d be a total buzz kill)

I feel like so much has happened, and yet, not a whole lot has changed. Maisy is leaving in a matter of days, and that’s sort of just sinking in for both of us. Last month we had our first sister solo adventure that we have only been talking about since she was like 12! We took the train into Boston for the Britney Spears/Nicki Minaj concert.

All you haters can just stop right there. They are two very talented women who have had some rough times and have come out on top. Much like some other people I know…

There was also a crazy surprise as Pauly D opened for them. Judge away, we did, but man it got the crowd going, so rock on Mr. Delveccio.

Not only was the show jaw-droppingly amazing (literally, my mind was blown. What an experience) but it was just so good to have my sister all to myself for 2 days. We did everything girly, with no agenda, spoiled ourselves with room service after the show, and even met up with one of our loves from camp (you’ll see this is a pattern). It was just perfect. And I think we have convinced ourselves that perhaps the Cyrs can travel without tragedy striking!

Now I’m getting ready to send her off to college, and only is she going to a wonderful school with wonderful standings, but she is also already taking time off to go to DC for an anti-bullying summit with the feds, and may speak on a panel. I could not be more proud of her for everything that is about to come her way. It does feel like just yesterday she was a little girl riding behind me on my scooter, now we’re both flying back and forth to our nation’s capitol to tell people what’s up. Eat your heart out Kim & Kourtney, Mal and Maisy are taking DC.

I know she’ll do so well in college, but I can’t help but have so many mixed feelings as I know the ups and downs that will come with it. I know she is a smart girl, but to have to relive all the mistakes I already made once…. Oy vey…. I feel old already. But kudos Miss Maisy, the world is yours and I (and I know you’re entire family and following) is SO proud of what you have become, and all that you will do!

In other news, my life is simply speeding along as it tends to. Although I thought September would be mostly spent at home, I am excited to be invited to a 3 day training in Atlanta on cultural and linguistic competence. This is with the same group that I happened to shut down Disneyland with, so I’m excited for everything about it!

Last week, I also went to our actual home base for Got Transition? And was able to have some face-to-face time with the core team. Granted, I could do an entire blog about the pros and cons of working from home, but this was definitely an important opportunity. I got to meet people I had never even met before, be in the same room as my colleagues for several conference calls, and meet our graphic design/marketing team (the stuff I really get excited over). It really jazzed me up to sink my teeth into work this fall and find new ways to take transition to a whole new level (stay tuned for our sure to epic radio show coming at the end of September… Khloe After Dark, you have met your match).

I like to think of fall as a fresh start, even if I am not physically going “back to school,” so I feel really good about where things are at. Grad school process is slowly moving forward, and I’m hoping to have some interviews in a couple of months. Camp gala is in September for my dose of musical theater, and the glamorous side of camp…

Then comes October! Which… is going to be a ball buster, but I’m so excited! October and March have proven to be my killer months but it’s what keeps me going. In October we have:

Reno (more than likely) for non-work related business that will make happier than any other trip in the near future, shortly followed by Denver, for our Learning Collaborative, and maybe some long distance bff catch up, DC for maybe grad school interviewing and our last session with that learning collaborative… then a weekend who knows where… and then, bam, almost Thanksgiving!

To say the least fall is not looking so bad this year…

Lots going on, change is in the air (literally) and I am ready to jump into this new beginning feet first!

Life is a Highway

January 28, 2010 is a day that will live in infamy.

I got my driver’s license. As all of my close friends know, and maybe even some of my online followers/friends at this point, know, this is a HUGE deal.

I am completely excited to have such independence. No more going six days at a time without leaving the house, or waiting until we only have ramen and coffee mate to go grocery shopping, or not having any time by myself to just get away. I can see my friends without making them come all the way out and bring me home. Even though I owe people about three years of being the DD, it is so completely worth it.

It’s been an ongoing process for about 8 years. My sister, who is 16 now, will probably be getting her license shortly too…and I started when I was her age.

Let me back up a little…

I signed up for Driver’s Ed when I was fifteen (the age of driver’s ed.) I wanted to take it with all my peers even though at this time I didn’t have a car. I knew that this would make it challenging for me to get “my hours” in on the road, but after talking to the school they told me to enroll and we would “get the ball rolling.” There was no ball. It did not roll. It came to a screeching halt. Halfway through the class portion, the teacher took me out to sit in her car to “assess” what I might need for adaptations. As one would predict, my legs came to about the end of the driver’s seat and I couldn’t see over the steering wheel.

“Hmm, yea that’s going to be tricky.” She said. And class continued.

After doing some research completely on our own, we located an adaptive driving instructor out of Scarborough (which was a bit out of the way from our house, but we didn’t know what else to do). We were able to hire him, with the help of Voc Rehab and I was able to get my driving hours with him enough to complete driver’s Ed and get my permit!

Hooray!!! One step closer! I was so excited! I bought a purple stuffed Grateful Dead bear to celebrate. I have no idea why I remember that. But he was so cuddly!

After that the goal was to get something I could drive so that I could feel comfortable and take my road test.

At one point there was a scary van that we knew I wouldn’t be able to drive, but we needed something to transport my scooter, so this was already the second scooter van in the picture.

In order to get any adaptations you have to get an “evaluation” to determine what you need, and can use safely, which, duh, makes sense. However, my evaluation seemed to not even really evaluate anything. Once again I sat in a car in which I could not see over the steering wheel, and the hand controls I was supposed to be using were too hard for me to use, so I never even accelerated. I coasted along in a graveyard for about ten minutes. But apparently they saw all they needed to see.

We went inside, and the evaluator explained something about I had issues with the strength in my arms, and it made the most sense that I have hand controls. Really? Read that out loud and tell me how that makes the most sense? I spoke up and inquired about something called pedal extensions, which I had heard of, and figured they must exist! A lot of short people drive!

I was quickly told “they don’t make them that big,” the idea was brushed aside, and hand controls it was.

In addition to hand controls, I ended up with a smaller steering wheel, a remote ramp (which was essential for transporting my scooter which I needed to attend school), and voice command controls off of the steering wheel. Now that concept sounds really cool, like you would say, “Turn on the radio” and it would, but it wasn’t like that at all. Instead, there were two buttons and each button had a list of commands such as “horn, left blinker, right blinker,” etc. and the driver would then have to memorize which button had which commands and when it would be aid (which I don’t think I ever even did)

Maybe for some people this system works, but in most cases, and in mine, it just did not come natural, and certain things like turn signals and horn, when you need them you need them, you can’t be searching for them. Beyond the adaptations, the car itself was possessed by some sort of auto demon. When it would rain the locks would go on and off until the battery died, whether the car was on or not (this also caused the keys to get locked inside it on more than one occasion) and the power steering would just shriek for no good reason and we could never figure out how to turn it off. My parents and the couple of friends who drove this were terrified of it, and because of all the “quirks” it was in the shop more than it was in my driveway. I got pretty comfortable driving, but even when I did, my arms got so tired from the position I needed to drive in I could only get about half way to school.

There was just no way I was going to learn to drive on this thing. I didn’t even want to go near it…Beyond the sheer vanity of not wanting to drive a mini-van, it just wasn’t safe.

In the mean time, my focus was on school, a few years went by and I kept having to renew my permit. I probably have the written test memorized. In case you were wondering- Red means stop.

Fast forward to fall of 2008,

While attending the annual dinner for the Disability Rights Center I met an amazing woman named Sarah who happened to just be an eensy bit shorter than me! And guess what? She had her license! And guess what? She didn’t drive a van, and she had pedal extensions!!!

After the dinner she let me go out and look at her car, and for the first time since this whole debacle began, my feet were on pedals and my hands were on the wheel. It was amazing. She gave me the names of the places she went for her evaluation (which of course was out of state) and the place that did her adaptations.

It was going to happen. It NEEDED to happen.

After concluding I was never going to drive the van, and it really was doing more harm than good, we decided to just start over and let me have a car that I wanted, and that I felt comfortable driving. I was going to have say in this.

First we went for a new evaluation, during which I drove a Honda Element with pedals, and actually turned, and accelerate, and stop at stop signs and get a real driving experience. When it was over it the guy told me confidently that he didn’t see any reason I couldn’t drive with pedal extensions.

We sold the van, to someone who could actually use the adaptations and it was no longer my concern. I was on to look at a car I actually wanted. THE FUN PART. I had looked at cars a little bit online, and one random day when my dad and I were out shopping we went to look. My first choice was the Honda Fit, which were pretty new at this time, but I wanted to check it out. We checked one out and took it for a spin and instantly, I was in love.

It felt RIGHT. Nothing before in my life had ever felt so right. I always read about when people apply to college and how “when you know, you know” and I never had that feeling, about school, or a car or anything. But this. I could see myself in this car.

We continued to shop around, and tried Chevies, and Pontiacs, and even my childhood dream car the VW Beetle, but it just didn’t click. At the same time my parents were looking for a new car and randomly when my parents went to a Honda dealers to look at used SUV’s, I saw a blackberry pearl Honda fit in the lot. I inquired about it, just out of curiosity and the guy told me it was a standard, and it was taken, but they would be getting another shipment within the next week, with an automatic. I knew that was my car.

Sure enough, on June 13^th 2008, my 2008 Honda Fit in Blackberry Pearl came off the assembly line and into my driveway. I was pumped! I wanted to drive this. I wanted to call her mine. Even my sister (who had no desire to drive either until she sat in this car) sat, “Wow Mal she really is you in car form!”

The biggest hold up after this was when the car was getting adapted at the wonderful place called Autotronics. They did an amazing job, and I didn’t care that they had her for so long because I knew it wouldn’t have to go back. They even thought of little things like what I wanted my seat to be covered with, and what would work best for getting in and out. They really wanted me to be comfortable and feel like this was MY CAR, not a mass-produced “adapted vehicle”

Finally when all was said and done, all I had for adaptations were a smaller steering wheel, a customized seat, and pedal extensions. Sometimes simpler really is better.

After my car was finally adapted, the hold up was only on me. I was going through a lot of other transitions, with moving and focusing on work, and then there was health stuff, so there was never a time when I could fully focus on driving. When I was ready I would know.

Finally, there was a time when I was surrounded by negative energy way too much. I had no choice because I couldn’t just up and leave. That was the catalyst for me. I needed freedom. I sent Sarah a facebook message asking who taught her to drive with her adaptations. She sent me the info to the place and after a couple of phone calls, it was set. I took driving lessons from about October, with a great guy who really made me feel comfortable. He stayed with me and even took me out right before my test and gave me all the pointers and made me parallel park for an hour outside the DMV.

When the time came, I felt ready! I sat in the car with the examiner, and he made me show him all the basic steps of my car, like how to use the lights, wipers, etc. then we were off. The test lasted all of 23 minutes, and I really thought I would fail (because I was just prepared to not pass on the first time). After what felt like a blink, we pulled back into the parking lot he said, “well you did great, you passed!” And I just went “What!!!?!? Are you serious!?” I almost burst into tears in my car, but I didn’t. I just thanked him profusely and assured him there would be a lot of excited people because of this road test! I told my parents, then I bought myself a Sam’s Caesar wrap and drove home. It’s still surreal.

Although the whole process was frustrating, it was a learning experience in the world of advocacy like so many other things I’ve been through. I think the biggest thing I learned is that, you always have the right to speak up when things don’t feel right, or if you know it’s not the way for you to be successful. I went for a long time believing that these people knew more than me because I had nothing to compare it to, but I could asked for more information on pedal extensions from the beginning and really tried for what I knew was out there. Another thing that really applies to everything is- persistence is key. I could’ve stopped at driver’s ed and said “this is going to be too hard” or just stopped calling people when they didn’t pick up the first time, but this was what I wanted and I knew I had to stick with it.

But the bottom line is that everything happens for a reason. Truly, looking back, there’s no way I was ready to drive when I was 15. If I had gotten my license earlier, who’s to say I wouldn’t have just up and left when I was unhappy at school? Or that I would have been home on weekends to grow so close to my sister and my family? I think it’s very clear to see that it truly happened when it was meant to, and when I knew it was right. 2010 is my year and I can honestly say that I am a licensed driver, with a renewed confidence and the world at my fingertips. Watch out world!