You Barack My World!

So, one would think I would be in bed by now. and I should be. of course. But I'm not quite ready for today to be over.

First of all, it was absolutely amazing weather here, which is perfect because it literally had rained all week, until today, and even was overcast until we got there basically. It was the perfect weather to be standing/sitting in line for about 4 hours with like-minded people, sharing snacks and getting a tan you didn't have to pay for!

By late afternoon it was sort of like a parade or street fair for the political. Reps were there, chatting, people were handing out balloons and pamphlets, and people were getting so fired up. We were told if somebody from "the opposing team" showed up, or we felt there was negativity just keep the peace and start chanting Yes We Can (which we spent a good portion of the time doing anyway)

Around 12:30, as we were told, they did show up. A good number of "tea partyists? Tea baggers?" I don't know. neither term sounds pleasant. But it was very intense as it built up to going in, with them on one side, us on the other, and secret service men between us. But finally we crossed through the barricade, and it was a surge of energy I can’t quite explain, moving forward even with so many shouting against us. We held strong with our golden ticket, to get to what we all came there to see :)

It was actually pretty smooth how quickly they got everyone in and seated (although only about half the people were able to sit... we were like "um hi, Mal can't stand in that crowd, she'll get injured. And need health insurance. Counterproductive." So we actually landed pretty decent seats on the bleachers, which were the "accessible" seats.... really? Bleachers, accessible? I didn’t think that made the most sense, as I saw many disabled and elderly people struggle with climbing the narrow stairs and finding seats on the bleachers. The seats worked for us and we were lucky, because couple hundred with tickets didn't even get in!

The program began (I keep calling it a show… you can’t teach a Broadway dog new tricks) with the Pledge of Allegiance (which I couldn't say due to the lump in my throat the size of my fist... my sister said she never said it during her time at her last school.... but today I heard her say it like her life depended on it), subpar performance of the National Anthem, then…HE WAS THERE. In the same room, in his white shirt and tie, jacket off, sleeves rolled up.

I have heard a lot of speeches of his, but this was specifically for the Maine people. And oh my god, was he funny. He talked about the values of Maine, and how they're real and how it's people like us who take those values of hard work and determination and bring them to Washington... and I got a little pheklempt and was like "well hey. He's talkin' about me."

He took pieces of the healthcare bill and attributed each to a story he had heard from people in Maine, one of which was from one of our very own family leaders, so that was pretty exciting, and it just solidified how real this change was, that he was mentioning people we not only know, but work with, and have been sharing in the journey with.

He explained a lot, answering some questions about the bill itself, made us laugh, made us cry, and it was all over way too soon. But at the end, instead of the hokey patriotic music they play when you're watching it online and he finishes, they blasted Brookes & Dunn- Only in America (country music... which I have a love hate relationship with because it represents everything that is Maine) but it was PERFECT. I have never loved a country song so much. Then was Beautiful Day by U2, which was not only perfectly appropriate, but has been with me in so many other chapters of my life, it just made sense that it was there in that moment. Then came Bruce Springsteen, and it was like we had just gotten free tickets to the best. concert. EVER.

As we were leaving, my sister said, "I needed that so much, you don't even know. I'm inspired." I think I’m going to have an advocate in training by my side. :)

As the music finished, my mom turned to me with tears in her eyes and said. "This is what it's all about! This is the change we've been trying for in all of this." I grabbed her hands and said, "YES!! THIS IS IT!!! DO YOU GET IT NOW? DO YOU SEE WHAT HAS GOTTEN ME THROUGH THESE PAST FEW WEEKS? WE'RE LIVING THE CHANGE." In that moment, they GOT IT.

And for me I think, this was my turning point in the fact that I know I am meant to keep truckin' in this world, and I'm pumped to do it. And something that NOBODY else could do.... that silly president of ours made me PROUD to be from Maine! (I’m only just beginning to admit it... and I'll still leave) But we have a lot of good here (besides the corny lobster t-shirts). We do have our own unique work ethic, and people take care of each other. With all those other people, from Maine, amazed at what we have achieved I was proud, and excited. It was the weirdest thing. I will be one of those people who will bring those values to Washington, but for now, I can nurture them here, and I will keep coming back. I think a part of me will always be a small town girl- and suddenly, I’m ok with that.

As Barack once said, "It is easy to get caught up in the cynicism of what is possible in this country,” but today, sitting there, waving signs with people who share the vision of hope, and seeing Americans of all ages (including the youngest ones who don't even yet know what the word insurance means, but know that they are spending a day with people they love seeing something really big), all generations come together to celebrate victories we HAVE made... today, it was a little hard to be bitter and discouraged.

Not that we don't all get in that place, because it's normal, and I'm sure Obama has days where he goes "Why did I choose to do all this? I'm just one man!!! I want to go home and watch the game!!!"

But he gets up again and does it all the next day and remembers why he does it, and still maintains the energy to fire up every state in this country.

That is amazing!

He gives me hope that, among other things, you and I can go on in ruling Mal world, and maybe even make a difference along the way doing it.

The Speech

Only in America

Yes We Can

The President, my dear, inspiration, Barack(y) Obama, is speaking in my home state tomorrow. Well, I read this on Twitter I believe, and immediately googled, and called my representatives' office (duh, they're my peeps now) and got the dish. It's tomorrow. BUT WHERE? AND HOW CAN I BE THERE!?!?! more googling...and I found my answer!

DUH. GO STAND IN THE RAIN IN PORTLAND FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE...AND YOU CAN ATTEND.

SO GUESS WHAT I DID?

I guess some people camped out the night before... but I am not that insane, and getting there two hours before they opened the door was a fair compromise between my dad and I, who is a super champ and braved it with me so I would not have to go alone.
They made the official announcement with all the details on the news last night, and I forced myself to go to bed "early," which then led to finishing Michelle (the other woman) Obama's biography, being even more FIRED UP & READY TO GO and not falling asleep... being like a kid on Christmas Eve, waking up at 3 then finally flying out of bed with the first note of my Taylor Swift alarm. 7 a.m. gross, cold, rainy, and FIRED UP. I cooked myself a delicious breakfast and rocked out to my Yes We Can playlist, and here is what ensued....

Now I know some people "don't get it." And "Aren't into politics." Because, a little over a year ago, that was me. And I would've laughed at people for standing in the rain to see psh... the president. Who cares?
But... I've become a part of it. When I sat on that sunny afternoon, all by myself, with nothing but the capitol building in view, I felt something shift inside me. It mattered now.

When he signed that bill on March 21, 2010, he told stories of everyone who had come to him with their struggles in the "System" and all the stories off all the "youth" and families I work with came flooding back to me and I lost it. I put down my bagel and just let myself cry. It was more than hearing sad stories, but it was feeling that my own was coming to an end.
As he signed that bill with the 22 pens, it was the first time I felt, and SAW visible change, for all the work we have been doing. All those times when we fly home, or have a long meeting and ask each other, "Why do we do this?" Well. THIS is why. Change is starting.
Not just is he an amazing public speaker, who doesn't use note cards and scribbles notes in the margins, and never fails to give me goosebumps, but he is the first person to really reach out to the REAL PEOPLE in this world, as a REAL PERSON and make real change. He rolls up his sleeves when he gives speeches, he shouts back to the people who yell in the audience. He smiles, he laughs, he drinks Bud Light (not while giving speeches... obviously). He is for the people.

And as I stood in that rainy line, I was one of those people. It was the perfect image of the quote he says in my favorite speech, "we are not a collection of red states and blue states. We are the United States of America." All these people had different jobs, were different ages, and came from different places, but we all made the decision to stand in that line in the rain, and climb that hill to see OUR president.

At one point, we were worried we would not get tickets, or that we were too far back in line, and one of the older ladies I was standing with said, "I'm getting discouraged."
And I switched into cheerleader mode and said, "Um no. We will NOT be discouraged. I did not come here to be discouraged!" Hope is not blind optimism! (not that it was relevant at that moment but it was the first quote that popped into mind) and shortly after I heard someone else yell out from farther back in line, "YES WE CAN!!!!"
And we trudged on, with me being the optimist I have grown to remember I am, and one of the feisty ladies looked at me and said, "you're neat!" I smiled and just said, "thanks!"

Finally, we made it to the doors, and after two hours, and being soggy and chilled to the bone. I had the tickets in my hand. I get to see my biggest inspiration speak about why we do what we do, and what it's all about.

and I AM FIRED UP, READY TO GO!!!!

Also- for anyone interested, here is the download of my Yes We Can playlist I keep referencing. If it doesn't fire you up... you may be dead. Check your pulse: http://www.sendspace.com/file/yjcqms

Life is a Highway

January 28, 2010 is a day that will live in infamy.

I got my driver’s license. As all of my close friends know, and maybe even some of my online followers/friends at this point, know, this is a HUGE deal.

I am completely excited to have such independence. No more going six days at a time without leaving the house, or waiting until we only have ramen and coffee mate to go grocery shopping, or not having any time by myself to just get away. I can see my friends without making them come all the way out and bring me home. Even though I owe people about three years of being the DD, it is so completely worth it.

It’s been an ongoing process for about 8 years. My sister, who is 16 now, will probably be getting her license shortly too…and I started when I was her age.

Let me back up a little…

I signed up for Driver’s Ed when I was fifteen (the age of driver’s ed.) I wanted to take it with all my peers even though at this time I didn’t have a car. I knew that this would make it challenging for me to get “my hours” in on the road, but after talking to the school they told me to enroll and we would “get the ball rolling.” There was no ball. It did not roll. It came to a screeching halt. Halfway through the class portion, the teacher took me out to sit in her car to “assess” what I might need for adaptations. As one would predict, my legs came to about the end of the driver’s seat and I couldn’t see over the steering wheel.

“Hmm, yea that’s going to be tricky.” She said. And class continued.

After doing some research completely on our own, we located an adaptive driving instructor out of Scarborough (which was a bit out of the way from our house, but we didn’t know what else to do). We were able to hire him, with the help of Voc Rehab and I was able to get my driving hours with him enough to complete driver’s Ed and get my permit!

Hooray!!! One step closer! I was so excited! I bought a purple stuffed Grateful Dead bear to celebrate. I have no idea why I remember that. But he was so cuddly!

After that the goal was to get something I could drive so that I could feel comfortable and take my road test.

At one point there was a scary van that we knew I wouldn’t be able to drive, but we needed something to transport my scooter, so this was already the second scooter van in the picture.

In order to get any adaptations you have to get an “evaluation” to determine what you need, and can use safely, which, duh, makes sense. However, my evaluation seemed to not even really evaluate anything. Once again I sat in a car in which I could not see over the steering wheel, and the hand controls I was supposed to be using were too hard for me to use, so I never even accelerated. I coasted along in a graveyard for about ten minutes. But apparently they saw all they needed to see.

We went inside, and the evaluator explained something about I had issues with the strength in my arms, and it made the most sense that I have hand controls. Really? Read that out loud and tell me how that makes the most sense? I spoke up and inquired about something called pedal extensions, which I had heard of, and figured they must exist! A lot of short people drive!

I was quickly told “they don’t make them that big,” the idea was brushed aside, and hand controls it was.

In addition to hand controls, I ended up with a smaller steering wheel, a remote ramp (which was essential for transporting my scooter which I needed to attend school), and voice command controls off of the steering wheel. Now that concept sounds really cool, like you would say, “Turn on the radio” and it would, but it wasn’t like that at all. Instead, there were two buttons and each button had a list of commands such as “horn, left blinker, right blinker,” etc. and the driver would then have to memorize which button had which commands and when it would be aid (which I don’t think I ever even did)

Maybe for some people this system works, but in most cases, and in mine, it just did not come natural, and certain things like turn signals and horn, when you need them you need them, you can’t be searching for them. Beyond the adaptations, the car itself was possessed by some sort of auto demon. When it would rain the locks would go on and off until the battery died, whether the car was on or not (this also caused the keys to get locked inside it on more than one occasion) and the power steering would just shriek for no good reason and we could never figure out how to turn it off. My parents and the couple of friends who drove this were terrified of it, and because of all the “quirks” it was in the shop more than it was in my driveway. I got pretty comfortable driving, but even when I did, my arms got so tired from the position I needed to drive in I could only get about half way to school.

There was just no way I was going to learn to drive on this thing. I didn’t even want to go near it…Beyond the sheer vanity of not wanting to drive a mini-van, it just wasn’t safe.

In the mean time, my focus was on school, a few years went by and I kept having to renew my permit. I probably have the written test memorized. In case you were wondering- Red means stop.

Fast forward to fall of 2008,

While attending the annual dinner for the Disability Rights Center I met an amazing woman named Sarah who happened to just be an eensy bit shorter than me! And guess what? She had her license! And guess what? She didn’t drive a van, and she had pedal extensions!!!

After the dinner she let me go out and look at her car, and for the first time since this whole debacle began, my feet were on pedals and my hands were on the wheel. It was amazing. She gave me the names of the places she went for her evaluation (which of course was out of state) and the place that did her adaptations.

It was going to happen. It NEEDED to happen.

After concluding I was never going to drive the van, and it really was doing more harm than good, we decided to just start over and let me have a car that I wanted, and that I felt comfortable driving. I was going to have say in this.

First we went for a new evaluation, during which I drove a Honda Element with pedals, and actually turned, and accelerate, and stop at stop signs and get a real driving experience. When it was over it the guy told me confidently that he didn’t see any reason I couldn’t drive with pedal extensions.

We sold the van, to someone who could actually use the adaptations and it was no longer my concern. I was on to look at a car I actually wanted. THE FUN PART. I had looked at cars a little bit online, and one random day when my dad and I were out shopping we went to look. My first choice was the Honda Fit, which were pretty new at this time, but I wanted to check it out. We checked one out and took it for a spin and instantly, I was in love.

It felt RIGHT. Nothing before in my life had ever felt so right. I always read about when people apply to college and how “when you know, you know” and I never had that feeling, about school, or a car or anything. But this. I could see myself in this car.

We continued to shop around, and tried Chevies, and Pontiacs, and even my childhood dream car the VW Beetle, but it just didn’t click. At the same time my parents were looking for a new car and randomly when my parents went to a Honda dealers to look at used SUV’s, I saw a blackberry pearl Honda fit in the lot. I inquired about it, just out of curiosity and the guy told me it was a standard, and it was taken, but they would be getting another shipment within the next week, with an automatic. I knew that was my car.

Sure enough, on June 13^th 2008, my 2008 Honda Fit in Blackberry Pearl came off the assembly line and into my driveway. I was pumped! I wanted to drive this. I wanted to call her mine. Even my sister (who had no desire to drive either until she sat in this car) sat, “Wow Mal she really is you in car form!”

The biggest hold up after this was when the car was getting adapted at the wonderful place called Autotronics. They did an amazing job, and I didn’t care that they had her for so long because I knew it wouldn’t have to go back. They even thought of little things like what I wanted my seat to be covered with, and what would work best for getting in and out. They really wanted me to be comfortable and feel like this was MY CAR, not a mass-produced “adapted vehicle”

Finally when all was said and done, all I had for adaptations were a smaller steering wheel, a customized seat, and pedal extensions. Sometimes simpler really is better.

After my car was finally adapted, the hold up was only on me. I was going through a lot of other transitions, with moving and focusing on work, and then there was health stuff, so there was never a time when I could fully focus on driving. When I was ready I would know.

Finally, there was a time when I was surrounded by negative energy way too much. I had no choice because I couldn’t just up and leave. That was the catalyst for me. I needed freedom. I sent Sarah a facebook message asking who taught her to drive with her adaptations. She sent me the info to the place and after a couple of phone calls, it was set. I took driving lessons from about October, with a great guy who really made me feel comfortable. He stayed with me and even took me out right before my test and gave me all the pointers and made me parallel park for an hour outside the DMV.

When the time came, I felt ready! I sat in the car with the examiner, and he made me show him all the basic steps of my car, like how to use the lights, wipers, etc. then we were off. The test lasted all of 23 minutes, and I really thought I would fail (because I was just prepared to not pass on the first time). After what felt like a blink, we pulled back into the parking lot he said, “well you did great, you passed!” And I just went “What!!!?!? Are you serious!?” I almost burst into tears in my car, but I didn’t. I just thanked him profusely and assured him there would be a lot of excited people because of this road test! I told my parents, then I bought myself a Sam’s Caesar wrap and drove home. It’s still surreal.

Although the whole process was frustrating, it was a learning experience in the world of advocacy like so many other things I’ve been through. I think the biggest thing I learned is that, you always have the right to speak up when things don’t feel right, or if you know it’s not the way for you to be successful. I went for a long time believing that these people knew more than me because I had nothing to compare it to, but I could asked for more information on pedal extensions from the beginning and really tried for what I knew was out there. Another thing that really applies to everything is- persistence is key. I could’ve stopped at driver’s ed and said “this is going to be too hard” or just stopped calling people when they didn’t pick up the first time, but this was what I wanted and I knew I had to stick with it.

But the bottom line is that everything happens for a reason. Truly, looking back, there’s no way I was ready to drive when I was 15. If I had gotten my license earlier, who’s to say I wouldn’t have just up and left when I was unhappy at school? Or that I would have been home on weekends to grow so close to my sister and my family? I think it’s very clear to see that it truly happened when it was meant to, and when I knew it was right. 2010 is my year and I can honestly say that I am a licensed driver, with a renewed confidence and the world at my fingertips. Watch out world!

Watch out 2010!

So here we are in 2010! How is that even possible? It feels like just yesterday it was all about “the millennium” and we were terrified of whatever the Y2K madness was supposed to be.

Then it was 2003, engraved in our brains to escape the world of small town high school. There had to be so much more out there!

Then…. 2007. Four years as an eager beaver, dying to get out cause….well…..there had to be so much more out there!

Now- three years later, it is 2010 (I will stand firm in my belief of the importance of saying “twenty ten” not “two thousand and ten.” And I write it out with all four digits like I have every year since I’ve been putting the date on my papers. I just believe it should be recognized)

It’s been quite the ride and I have begun to get a taste of all that IS out there. I have struggled for the past week or so trying to nail down my “resolutions, ” but basically they’re the same as last year (like...more than I realized....actually)

(- Read more, facebook less.
- Stay positive, don't let negative people get me down.
- Take care of ME. Pretend it's always summer. pamper accordingly.
- WRITE.
- BLOG.

- Figure out what I want for 2010 and beyond... without stressing myself out to death.)

, since I’m kind of flaky about them, so instead of fencing myself in with resolutions, I’ve read up a little bit on goal setting and decided it’s better to have some broad goals and the mentality to continue moving forward and making the most of every day. Because let’s face it. I’m still going to go on facebook, eat whatever I want and not exercise enough (although I have been better!)

So I welcome the new year with a new sense of confidence (did I mention I got my braces off!?!?!) and a thrill of excitement for not knowing what is to come, but feeling that it is definitely a year of change and anything is possible!

Cheers!

In 2010 I hope to:

• Get my driver’s license (I am waiting to hear a new date for my road test!! This is the year!)
• Get my passport! (I really want to go to Mexico- Real World Cancun corrupted me! I know it's only a matter of time until I will travel overseas...)
• Take the GRE’s and at least know the path I potentially want to take, and where I want to apply for grad school. (The process is huge and intimidating but I’ve neverlet anything stop me up to this point, why should it now?)
• Take care of myself, and always feel my best!!!
• Spend more time with my friends and make the most of it.

Watch out 2010. I’m ready for ya!

If That's Movin' Up then Iiiiii'm Movin' Out!

It’s been almost a year since I last updated. That’s inexcusable, but I have been completely busy living, and obviously so much has happened. I have thought a lot about the fact that I abandoned this blog for some time, and trying to think of what to write to get back in the swing (because that is the goal) I know I don’t want to just give a timeline and babble off everything that has happened in the past year, because, not only will that bore everyone to tears, but I probably don’t remember everything, and some of it may just not be worth reminiscing about.

Within the span of the almost year in which I haven’t written, there has been a lot of moving. I moved out of my family’s house, and then a few months later, they moved too! It was very exciting for me to be out on my own-, as I got older the house seemed to be getting smaller, and I just felt that it was time for a change and for me to get some independence back. Of course also had to recognize that it would be a huge transition for me. The last time I had been “on my own” was when I was in college, and that started off as a giant pile of fail (granted- it got better, but a lot of things were learned the hard way). I had begun looking at apartments, mostly in more urban areas, since that was where there was public transportation, and lots of things

to do, since my social life is pretty crucial to my happiness- it’s just who I am. I also recognized that if I lived completely by myself, there would be even more challenges, and I knew I would have to find somebody who could help me, specifically a nurse, since that is what is legally required for my medical care, so I knew that would be a pain, but it was something I was going to have to do eventually.

Mid- house hunt, a friend of mine told me they were going to be buying a home, and were looking for people to move in. This sounded like the perfect opportunity. I could be in a great neighborhood, close to my family, with other people who were always coming and going, so I wouldn’t be alone all the time. I weighed out the pros and cons (there was a lot of list making, as that is how I function in life) and had some frank conversations with my family, and the friend who proposed this idea. I explained to her that it would be a huge transition for me, and because of this I was not sure how long I would be staying, or how it would go. She was very understanding of this, and was excited that I would be moving in.

By February, I had packed up all my things at my parents’ house and couldn’t really stay there any more. My friends had closed on the new house and I was able to move in. There ended up being some family emergency type stuff that happened with my friend, and because nobody else had moved in yet I had the house to myself. It was a good way to get adjusted, and find my way around before there were five other people living there too.

Very, very long story short, I eventually realized this was not as an ideal situation as I had thought it would be. I started to realize that I just wasn’t comfortable in the atmosphere, and my professional and personal life was suffering. I needed an environment I could successfully work from home in, and this just wasn’t it. I definitely wasn’t alone all the time, but it got to the point where I wanted to be. I had no time for reflection. I didn’t write any more, I slept too much and was just making health choices that weren’t the best. Once again it was a big step for me to realize I needed to make a change, knowing it would be yet another transition, and also a huge step that I was putting myself first.

During this process when I discovered I needed to get out, I felt myself going through a severe quarter life crisis (and I’m not even 25…. can’t wait for that one). I was in a rut. I just wanted to quit everything and run away. I wanted to just regress and party all the time and be “carefree” and not worry about policy change on a national level. How come all the other people my age were out going to parties and staying home on the weekends with their boyfriends and girlfriends, and my response was “sorry I can’t I have to go to DC (or Vermont, or Illinois, or California)” It was beginning to feel like too much pressure. What if this wasn’t even what I wanted to do with my life? What difference could I make? I am just one little girl from Maine… surely the “system” can get along just fine without me. I missed school. I missed having people coach me into being productive. I missed writing, and having a place where I could just walk places with friends to get a cup of coffee. I felt like I couldn’t get out of my own way and I just wanted to shut my mind off.

When I made the choice to start taking care of me, I felt a little freer. I even rearranged my budget a little so I could afford on my own to go to therapy. And I’m proud of that fact. It was something I looked forward to. In an environment where my feelings sort of got pushed aside, it was amazing to have someone to talk to, to just listen and give me next steps to move forward and change my way of thinking. She even pushed me into writing more. “This is who you are,” she said to me. “You’re a writer and you need to get back into that.” And I did, and I felt another little piece of myself fall back into place. I don’t think it can every hurt to have someone just to listen. In the big city, you’re nobody until you have a therapist! And I get it now!

She encouraged me to find other ways to put myself first, and when it came time to make the move I knew it was the right thing to do. The exciting part was that living in that house caused two things to happen. The first was that, I had completely connected with one of my roommates, Sarah, and we decided that we could move together, because she was feeling the same way about the environment. The other thing was that, because of this house, my parents were inspired to put their house on the market. It sold in 21 days (which is beyond unheard of in this market) and they found a house they loved and were able to buy it and do the work they wanted to it. I’m so happy for them, and believing that everything truly does happen

for a reason, I know that I lived in that house so that they would move, and do what they all needed. I have seen them all become closer and happier, and I am grateful that they were able to take that step. That was another reason I felt good about leaving the house, it was as though I believed “my work here is done,” as they got more and more settled.

So I hope I have not bored anybody to tears yet, I’m trying to hit on key points, and I promise I’ll be better about updating this!

After looking at a few apartments, Sarah and I found an adorable townhouse apartment. It was the only one we looked at that we could really picture ourselves living in, so we knew it was right. We have been here since Columbus Day, and still have a few boxes to go through, but it already feels like home. It’s been very interesting because we have gone from living at grand central station craziness, to it just being the two of us. Sarah works during the day so I have the house to myself during the day. I have definitely gotten my “time to myself.” But I love it. I have been really taking care of myself. I’ve been eating better, reading and writing more, exercising again, and being able to focus on my work more fully.

I feel like things are really aligning for me at this point. I just got hired as a consultant for KASA (kids as self advocates http://www.fvkasa.org), which is sort of like a promotion of sorts since I was already a co-chair on the board, but now I will be working more one on one with the younger group called the Task Force. I get to help them revise documents (yayyyy editing!!!) and prepare presentations, and do some tech stuff just to assist the project director. I feel really good about it, and some other opportunities are coming up as well. I’m going to be attending the annual conference for the Federation of Families for Children’s Mental Health, which I’m very excited about as well, as I’m starting to believe that is my niche, to bridge the gap between physical and mental health.

Overall, it’s been a time! I’m in a good space right now and am continuing my process of self-discovery, and it’s nice. I can really see each day for what it has to offer and am savoring every opportunity instead of wishing it away. I recommend for everyone to try doing the same.

I’ll leave you with a quote I found recently, that says just that, and the promise to write more often so that we don’t have such epic updates!

(Fall shot of camp....my favorite place for photography!)

*Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand-and melting like a snowflake...*-Sir Francis Bacon

**Don't Waste A Moment Cause You'll Never See it Returned**

( This entry is dedicated to the incredible, impish, life-changing, Paul Newman, who would have turned 84 today)

(view from Point lookout where the winter retreat was held)

I’m pretty exhausted but I need to write before things pick up again, and before I get everything that has happened, and the emotions that go with it all.

I’ve recently been making an effort to participate in some perspective shifting. I decided I really need a better outlook for 2009 and since positive things are happening it hasn’t been too hard, but I still tend to get stressed out and unhappy sometimes (which, I know it’s normal, but in the grand scheme of things… it seems kind of silly). So then fate took things in its hands and went a little further than I planned.
In 24 hours I finished The Last Lecture and saw Wit, which I knew going into it would be very intense. While it was intense, it was brilliant. I read the play in college in my theater class, and for a small local theater with all my friends in it to take on such a piece of work, was so impressive, and made me proud.

I won’t reveal too much, but it is about a poetry professor battling cancer, and her time in the hospital. She is sarcastic and witty to get through everything. There were times I just laughed out loud because the hospital scenarios were SO realistic, and I have actually reacted in similar ways. I wish I could’ve known her.

The same thing applies to Randy Pausch of the Last Lecture. I thought I would cry, but I ended up laughing more. These people both knew they were nearing the ends of their lives, but instead of living in sadness and fear, they lived every moment as if it WAS their last. They spent the time teaching others about the value of life and the things they had learned. Randy spoke about considering how you want to spend each moment and that realizing the importance of each moment is crucial to live happily. Things like that really echoed that I need to live for myself, and not let negativity of others bring me down for an entire day. There is only so much we can control in situations, so we need to seize all of those things we do have control over, and everything else we need to let go of. Whatever is meant to be, will be. It was just such an eye opening, refreshing reminder to truly seize the day with all your might.


I have always been a firm believer of “life is short.” But sometimes it is nice to have a reminder (as crushing as it is that we lost these amazing people). I am so aware of life right now. Everything feels beautiful.


This weekend I went to the Winter Retreat that is put on by the agency I work for, The Maine Support Network. I was unsure how it would go since I was supposed to do a workshop but it got cancelled due to low attendance (a lot did…they had the lowest turnout for the conference because of budget cuts in education). No matter what, I was excited to travel, and it would only be as fulfilling as I made it, so I went with an open mind.

It ended up being a great time and very inspirational. The focus was on autism, and although I don’t have any “students” perse, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I could use what I learned in my own work with youth leaders, and a lot of what we learned could apply to children with any special health need.

One of the speakers was Stephen Shore, who has written several books on autism, and is just brilliant (and funny!) In his presentation he mentioned his autobiography, and a chime went off in my head. “oh hey…I’m writing an autobiography. This is what I want to do!” So after his speech, I bought his book, had him sign it and said “So, you wrote an autobiography! I’m attempting to do the same thing, but it’s challenging… any words of wisdom.”

He thought that was very cool and gave me the best, simplest advice I have received from a writer yet. All advice is valuable, but “well you just got to do it.” Is more vast and overwhelming than helpful. But Stephen said to me, “you have to break it into chapters. Sometimes a story might have to be two chapters, but you just pretend each chapter is a bucket and sort it all out.”
It seemed so simple and so clear! Why do we let things overwhelm us so much? Break it down. Take it one step at a time.

The more I hear people tell their stories, the more I figure out how to tell mine. The vision of my book is getting clearer and clearer. I actually got so inspired at the conference that I wanted to run out of the workshops and just WRITE! Of course it comes at such inopportune times, but that is why I’m writing now, while everything is still fresh….I will get in a habit of making it not such a daunting task.

I have no doubt in my mind it will come together, and it will happen. I feel in every part of my body that it is what I was meant to do. And I know I will.

The other speaker that we had there was Sue Rubin. For the first 13 years of her life, she was unable to communicate, but eventually she discovered the world of facilitated communication and was able to express everything she had absorbed while being unable to communicate. Her story is incredibly inspiring and we also have so much in common! Except….she lives in California.

She made me realize, once again, how incredibly lucky I am, just for even the small thing that I can communicate my thoughts and feelings, and although initially people may think I am younger than I am, I do not have to struggle with society endlessly to prove my intelligence because of my diagnosis. It made me want to communicate even more to tell the stories of those who can not, and speak about all the challenges people face while trying to live successfully, whatever that may mean for them.

It was a little strange to not BE a presenter, but I think it was good for me. I was still able to network, but I also could just sit back and take it all in. Seeing the speakers like Stephen and Sue, really re-emphasized the importance of what we all are doing and made me want to soar forward in the world of advocacy and continue to speak up.
We all have different stories to tell, different expertise to offer, and different diagnoses. But regardless what anyone may say, we have learned a lot in our lives, and

WE ARE ROCKSTARS.

Here comes 2009

The rest of fall has come and gone.  It was a beautiful, simple holiday with a lot of relaxation and family time.  A lot of things are changing, but I feel really good about life right now.

I'm sorry I've been kind of abandoning this place for the past couple of months, but I have been very busy with work and life, but I'm back now and one of my resolutions (although in the past I haven't made them) is to Blog more.... so here I am.

I won't go into great depth about the past, but I will present you with my crazy itinerary for the upcoming  months!  The travel blog will be seeing a lot of me so stay tuned!

It's going to be pretty intense much like last year!  And I'm completely pumped!

January:
Northport Maine for the MSN winter retreat. 

Staying here: http://www.visitpointlookout.com/accomodations/ 

February:
AMCHP Conference 2009 in Crystal City, VA

Presenting on involving youth in successful needs assessments

Also- representing KASA at the annual family voices gala.  Anything with the word gala in it makes me happy!  

Staying here: https://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/wasdt-washington-marriott-wardman-park/

March:
Visions of Community Conference in Boston

Presenting on Transitioning to adulthood in the healthcare world.

Staying here: http://www.seaportboston.com/Accommodation/Overview.aspx
(oooh flashbacks. Four of us shared a one bed room here when our car got stolen. Fond fond memories. Although it is a sweet hotel!)

WEST SIDE STORY- NYC
Eat, drink and be merry with no other agenda with the bff :-)

April????? There must be something in april…..?

May
ICYCC 09 conference- Ft. Lauderdale, FLORIDA

Presenting on engaging youth in policy change and leadership.

ALSO, MY 24TH BIRTHDAY. oh heeeeey.

Staying here: http://www.icycc2009.com/hotelaccommodation.html 
(um, at one of them? Not sure yet. ….hmmm)

June
OLEY 2009- St. Petersburg, FLORIDA
Just attending, being awesome, and enjoying learning and networking.   And the beach...some more.

Staying here: http://www.tradewindsresort.com/?PID= 



AND THEN ITS SUMMER!!!!!

completely pumped. oh man. watch out 09. Here I come.


The diva is back ♥

First off- a little shameless exploitation....
A little exciting news. I have been on a self promotion bender as of late, and beyond the blog I went out and bought a domain. One week later, I have gotten it to link to my website. SO- WITHOUT FURTHER ADO- you can now find me at MalloryCyr.com

I'm pretty excited about it! hopefully it will serve it's purpose and make me famous. Riiiight. It's a step in the right direction of being pro-active if nothing else, and is a lot easier to tell people than blablalbla...dot blogspot.com! It has links to all my blogs, and more info about me, and what's going on in my life. I'd love feedback, so if you'd like to see anything else on it, let me know!

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Besides that- as some of you know (or anyone who doesn't live in a box knows) Last weekend, the sister and I took a spontaneous venture to our beloved city once again.
It was kind of random, and I bought the tickets before I knew how I was getting there, but in the end it all worked out!

Let me back up a little bit-

When my mom was in her one act play about a month ago, Colin called me from NYC where he was seeing In the Heights (he attempted to make me jealous...but really just because he was jealous of my recent events...come on now) He told me there was all kinds of promotion for the opening of Jason Robert Brown's new show, "13," and we needed to see it together.
I had promised Jason's bass player I would make an attempt to see it, so I decided to try to make it happen.

A couple of weeks go by, and I discovered a sample recording of the show, which I then shared with my sister, who in return got addicted to the show as well. I can't really blame her, seeing as how the show is about being a teenager and although we can both relate to the story- it's probably more her show than mine. I then realized I couldn't see it without her, or I would not be allowed to come home. I explained the situation to Colin and we decided to go ahead and look for tickets.
Five Row G discounted tickets later, we had to figure out how to get there.
I attempted to comprehend bus and Amtrak schedules, and even looked at how much it would be to just get a driver to go down so we would be on our own schedule and feel a little safer, but it ended up being more than the tickets to the show, so we decided to forgo that.
In the end, the third person on Colin's end wasn't able to go, so we decided it would make the most sense for me to invite someone and be able to have them drive down.

Enter other BFF- city loving fashionista, Shannon. She agreed to drive down and was almost as excited to get out of the State of Maine as I was. We were good to go.

Of course the anticipation was the worst part, but Maisy and I both just dove into work and made the time go by.
Finally, it was Friday morning- 10/10, 13 day!
Everything went as planned [for once], and we were out the door by 9:30. It was definitely an early morning but nothing a quick stop for Falleriffic Pumpkin Spice lattes at the first rest stop couldn't fix! Divas gotta have their Starbucks.


The drive wasn't actually too bad. The foliage was brilliant, and it was just so wonderful to be getting out, and being able to leave behind everything that was stressing out, even for just a little while. After the mandatory Auntie Anne's pretzel stop and listening to the entire 13 recording once through (it was only released a few days before we left! Exciting!)

We arrived at Colin's apartment in New Haven, piled into yet another car, and headed into the city!

In the meantime, my Blackberry was just about exploding with people who found out I was coming into the city and wanted to see me, or Broadway folks who had already seen the show and were wishing us a good trip! It is so nice to be loved :-)
Maisy and I put out the question of what we were doing for dinner, and nobody had any specific desire to go anywhere so we suggested Ellen's... of course, since they knew we were coming and we just can't possibly go to the city without at least making an appearance there.

Nobody disagreed, so we parked the car, and navigated through Times Square. At this point it still felt completely surreal. I couldn't believe I was back in the city, where nothing else matters except being there, in that moment. Before we knew it we were at the door of Ellen's Stardust Diner and barely had to wait to get a table, even though it was packed, since it was Friday evening at that exact time when everyone is getting dinner before their show.

We ended up upstairs, which was different, and not as thrilling as being on the first level, but it was definitely still enjoyable- and now we can say we have sat up there.
As always, the food was great, and they did all the right songs like they really did know we were going to be there (well, they did..but like they knew what was just RIGHT for that moment). They sang Don't Stop Believing by Journey, and FOOTLOOSE! Come on now... it was too funny. We had an amazing dinner, with delicious drinks, ran into people from Maine who were seeing a show that same night, and it was ironic and lovely.

After eating, we headed over to the theater, which is actually a blur, but we weren't far away at all. As we were approaching the Jacobs Theater, I thought I heard someone say my name.
Lo and behold, there was the FABULOUS Mary-Mitchell Campbell, from our camp affairs. I had dropped her an email a few days before our trip, but figured it was short notice and she wouldn't be able to see us. Then, not only was it a fabulous surprise to see her, she told us where to go to meet the writers and musical director after the show. She was seeing another show, so she had to go on her way, but we went inside and in the process of finding our seats walked right by JRB himself. Of course we didn't figure it out til we were past him, and by then the show was going to start so we all just willed him to stay for the entire performance so we could see him after.

The show, was INCREDIBLE. It was relevant, and powerful in so many ways. I am 99.9% sure that everyone in our group could relate to that show in some way. Some more than others.
It was one of those moments, that was just so perfect. Seeing the perfect show, at the perfect time, with the perfect people. I haven't had one of those moments in so long. I just wanted to hold onto it, or not breathe or blink so that it wouldn't end.

Of course, like all of those moments, it did end, but the night was not over yet. We jumped up from our seats immediately after the curtain call to see if Jason was still there, and because we all had willed him to stay- he was! We got his autograph and chatted for a bit. I told him we were friends of MMC and thanked him for producing such an incredible work.


That show is something that has needed to grace Broadway for some time. In a past MySpace Blog I had said I had hoped something would come along for this generation since RENT is gone. Well- something has. And for that we can thank Jason Robert Brown.

After we talked to him for a bit, we purchased the essential tshirts, and headed to the stage door to meet the cast of amazing, talented kids who also put in the time and commitment to make this show a reality. Now this was incredible too, because Maisy & I of coursed shoved our way to the front a la Les Mis, but when the cast was coming out, they recognized HER.

This show is unique in that there is a myspace type site where people can network and talk

about their theater experience and the show. Maisy had written a blog about coming down, and people who were in the show remembered her. It was so cool to see her interact with them. She had found her people.

After I met the kids in the cast I went over to our special stage door with Colin, to meet the aristic team of the show. Tom Kitt was the musical director who had also done Next to Normal which we saw in March when we were in the city. He said it's playing again in DC (which I did know) and if we happen to be able to get down there somehow, to let him know, and he would hook us up. He was so fabulous, as was Dan Elish who wrote book of the show. They were both awesome as were all the kids.

After all of that we were far from tired even though it was about 11:00 so we headed to the nearest Starbucks (which of course wasn't far) and debriefed and laughed and began planning the next trip. Shrek the Musical opens on December 16th! Might be a possibility. I really want to go around Christmas. As many times as I've been to the city, I don't remember going around Christmas and it's my goal. So we'll see.

Finally we decided we should start heading back since we still had the drive back to New Haven, so we went to get the car and headed home.

The next day of course came much too soon, we packed our stuff, got breakfast and coffee at Dunkin Donuts so we could make it through the day, and depart to the northernmost part of New England.

However-
we were on the Mass pike when Shannon said, "So...do you guys have plans for the rest of the day?"
We didn't, so she said, "I really don't want to go back to Maine yet."
Of couse we couldn't argue with that, so she went on "Who wants to go to Boston!?"






The vote was unanimous, and the diva road trip decided to conquer two cities in two days! After a quick makeover in the parking garage of Saks Fifth Avenue, we did some shopping on Newbury St, where I finally had my introduction to the LUSH store and we tried on accessories that were more than several months rent, but it was so much fun.









We had dinner at a fabulous upscale restaurant, window shopped a little more, then decided it was time for the three Dorothies to go back to Kansas.

Maisy slept the whole way home, and we all felt like it had just been a dream. But we knew it couldn't have been because Maisy had the t-shirt. It was another adventure that had been just what we all needed and refueled us, and put things in perspective to face the real world once again.

Who knows what will happen- but we also just sent in Maisy's resume (which is extensive even in comparison to the kids in the show) and head shot to the casting director of the show....so keep all your fingers crossed and send good vibes! You never know til you try right?


On that note-

FALL 2008- HERE I COME.
Change is in the air, I'm ready to move forward, so let's do it!

you know you love me.

xoxo

Click here for All the pictures





Now playing: Green Day - Time of Your Life