I got my first paycheck today. I'm so excited. Let's just say it's more than I've ever gotten in a refund check or anything...and I'm set for NY (and probably some prep before then)! I just love my job. I had a video conference this morning when I had just woken up and was still drinking coffee and it was so laid back but awesome. My new desk is all set up, I met with my supervisor (one of them) Patti, at my Starbucks (she loved it) and I'm finally feeling productive. I think I'm still high and in love from last weekend too...life is just amazing right now. I bought Hanson's new CD The Walk and I seriously have not stopped listening to it since I got last Monday...or something. It's amazing. I need to stop being in love with them...again. I ended up seeing Hairspray last week too. Maisy and I were at the pool hanging out, and Matt called to tell me he didn't blow off my Text from the night before. He let me go to read Harry Potter (omfg #7 please come in the mail tomorrow!!!!), but Maisy told me to call him back and invite him over. So I did...and he ended up coming over and going swimming for awhile.
We had fun, and when we were hanging out, drying off, we got talking about Hairspray and concluded we should all go see it. So we did. Maisy and I were the cool kids that sang all the songs we knew (but we're good, so it's ok....and we didn't just pretend to know the words)

But it was WAY better than I expected and I'm in love with Zac Efron, and I'm not ashamed to say it!!!!! OR that I bought a "high school musical: ON STAGE" T-shirt when I ushered for it at CLT! (mostly cause it had the CLT logo on it). (even though that was really...different...and I miss my generation of theater kids...)

So I dunno... I just needed to write and say how awesome things are. I'm SO effing happy. I write when there's trauma and tragedy, and I'm being emo, but I figured I'd do some random updating. Yay for that.


Here's a couple more random things of late (aka what has Mal bought):
~ Starbucks' iced raspberry mochas rock my world.
~My MAC order and HP 7 should be here any day now
~ I just got another MAC eyeshadow (creme de violet- YES) AND lipglass (elaborate) for less than full retail of either one from an LJ sale... so I'm pumped!
~I caved and bought AIM for my treo. uh ohhhh. :)

That's all for now. I'm going to go read and sleep in the AC! Yay.


♥ the Mal

Saturday was basically going to go one of two ways...and well... it was amazing. Everything was perfect from beginning to end. Do you know how rare that is?

We did end up meeting quite a bit later than originally planned, but that was fine cause it meant I didn’t have to get up at 7, so yay for that. My dad and I drove do Mass and met Tori and Colin at a Cumby’s. We got snacks and drinks and departed for Boston. We only drove around in a circle once, and we listened to Hanson to get us psyched up. (and Music & Lyrics cause Colin obviously bought the soundtrack, lol). We parked in Quincy (VIP with my handicapped hanger thingy) and took the T in, which was enjoyable…between me taking pictures of brick walls and discussing sperm donation, we pretty much laughed the entire time. We also concluded we were all wearing brand name everything. Tori had a Hollister shirt, Colin was American Eagle (gasp… iiiii know), and I had Aeropostale…so we represented and it was awesome.

By the time we got into the city we realized it was like already almost 5:00, so we decided to just find the club. So we did, and it was right by Fenway. We stood awkwardly around for a bit, trying to decide whether we shoul go get food or just wait in the line (which was already pretty long, and some people had camped out on the street… hmm no thanks!) Colin had the idea to ask the guy if there was some sort of reserved seating or something so I could actually SEE the show and enjoy it instead of worrying about dying
the entire time! He said, “Absolutely” and told us to remind him when we got to the front of the line. We went to wait in line, and we were right outside of this bar by Fenway, so it was pretty much fun to watch and it didn’t feel like we waited that long. Tori and I dubbed it Real World Fenway and analyzed all the flirting scenarios that occurred in front of us. To which Colin just looked at us funny and said “how did you get that from that!?!?!” oooh boys….

Finally, after like an hour the line moved and Colin and I showed the guy our ID and got over 21 wrist bands. Buah hahahahaha When we got to the guy we talked to about better seating, he referred us to another guy, who said “yep, come with me…” and basically moved us to the front of the line saying “scuse me…coming through” So we didn’t even have to mingle with everyone else in line! He brought us up a level to the reserved seating and through the velvet rope. We had cushiony seats, our own bar, and wait staff so we really didn’t even have to get up that often and we could actually SIT to watch the show, and not worry about getting squished or suffocated! It was absolutely fabulous. Of course there was a guy who was completely sketchy and tried hitting on all of us (including Colin) and he even wrote out all his contact info for the first blonde girl he saw. Tori and I were like “yea Colin, that’s why we brought yooooou.”

There was a mediocre opening act who basically put us to sleep, but then the show started and it was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. I haven’t been to a concert in years and I had forgotten how intense live music can be. And OH MY GOD. Taylor is literally so gorgeous its painful…every time he did that running his fingers through his hair thing I just died inside. It makes absolute sense to me now as to why he has three children. The only sadness lies in the fact that they’re not mine…

I can’t even explain it any further. I jumped, I took pictures, I almost cried. And I laughed sooooo hard. Tori is wonderful, and we had so much fun! We talked a lot, about everything, shallow and serious, and we really related on a lot of levels which was awesome as well as finishing each other’s sentences about the amazing British guy who asked us for directions at the train station!

After the show, we were going to wait to try to meet the boys, but it was already 10:00 and we still had to eat something and catch the train back and we were all getting tired so we headed started the walk back to the T and stopped at Longhorn for a quick dinner. The train and car ride back was somewhat long, and we were all tired, but it still went off without a hitch, and we laughed at the random guy who had fallen asleep sitting up….

I don’t even know what more to say. I took a chance, I brought in an old part of my life with a new, important one and definitely tightened a friendship with someone I’m totally meant to be friends with, and it all worked out. I felt stronger, matured, and just entirely…happy. Everything is different from last year, but it took something from my past to make it all concrete. It came full circle with blue skies, and good songs and I have not a complaint in the world. This definitely is going to be one of the best summers I’ve ever had!

For more videos of OUR exact show: go here!

~the malphie

xoxox

Fireworks & Wine

I always go into a strange emotionally frenzy around the fourth of July. It's silly, I know it isn't like Valentine's day or anything, where I'm technically allowed to be bitter and cynical, but I get all torn between being excited because it's a big social evening in the summer, which is pretty much what I live for, and feeling completely low that I'm alone and have "nobody" to be with when like everyone around me does. But somehow, no matter how the day goes, everything seems right during the fireworks, and the day ends with some sort of closure. I've been in the hospital, but home with my family in time to see the fireworks, or I've spent the day with family just kind of floating, then by the time the fireworks came I was....well, I wasn't sitting with my family...and I guess that's part of what makes things so hard. I'm tired of that change, but I need to just get the hell over it.

Anyway. So I was really excited for finally just having a day in the sun by the pool. We all were. But of course as soon as we get there, which of course was hours after we would've liked to...the sun was gone. And it was windy. The sun appeared for short intervals, but it was never long enough to "lay out." boo. Maisy and I made mango margaritas (hers was virgin, obviously) and even those were kind of icky in my opinion. I really just wanted to drink my coconut/pineapple rum.
We had dinner... lobster but Maisy and I got Chinese cause the grandparents knew we weren't keen on the crustaceans, which was pretty cool (note to self: Mandarin buffet = good deals and good food).
But at dinner, something was said that just struck a nerve with me. I tried to handle it, but I was just pushed over the edge and made ridiculously uncomfortable. I felt like I was just going to cry, so I excused myself, and I took my wine and makeup and went to get ready for the ever popular "liberty fest."
People finished eating and I could hear everyone figuring out who was going where, when, and I couldn't even hear to be involved in a decision so I just stayed in the bathroom. and i just put my head against the tile wall and cried. I don't even know why. I wasn't particularly sad. I was confused, and hurt, I guess. I tried to be enthusiastic and I get shut down because in regards to the fireworks "well if you've seen one, you've seen them all." and the liberty fest is just "huge crowds and chaos." But if I ACT unenthusiastic it doesn't fly either, so I just gave up. And it was the first year I had to get ready by myself, knowing I'd probably spend most of the evening that way too, in a random grassy spot miles away from any civilization.
I did my thing and composed myself so I could actually put eyeliner on (basically the BEST motivation to not cry- FYI)
We got to the bridge and honestly it wasn't too bad. Once I get there I DO remember that I like the fourth of July. I scanned the bridge for people I WANTED to see, and ended up bringing Mariah back to our secret island, and Matt called when he got in and came to visit for awhile. Neither of them stayed which was kind of lame, but it definitely passed some time.
Every time I see Matt it reminds me how much I miss him, and that we need to hang out more.

They ended up shooting the fireworks off about an hour early, because OBVIOUSLY it began raining. But here's the weird thing.... it was REALLY COOL.
My grandmothers had umbrellas, and I just sat there with my hood on and just looked up at the sky. The wind picked up and the rain just came down on my face, and the fireworks were going off, and it was so intense. It was just the power of the elements and I just let myself go with it without thinking about anything else.

When we got home, something else amazing happened. I checked my e-mail (duh) and I had an email from a woman in Colorado who's nephew had just been diagnosed with MID. Obviously she had done research online, and she came across me and Maisy. She wrote me an e-mail saying how I was such an inspiration, and we were the hope that told her and her family that the disease was not a death sentence and what had we done to make it where we were today? How do you respond to that? She had attached pictures of the baby, saying he's also a Gemini with a terrific smile and strong spirit. And I sort of just stared at the e-mail for awhile. I told my mom about it, and she instantly got on the phone with her, and then the mother of the baby.
But how is that for putting things in perspective? It's overwhelming. I spend my day crying because I have to spend time with my family and OMGZZ I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND....
and...people turn to me because I'm ALIVE and doing things like that! I'm SO incredibly lucky to be healthy and ABLE to worry about stupid shit like boys and my nails...because I mean...Maisy and I are IT. I don't want to sound like a huge downer, but that is sort of hard to comprehend sometimes. Like we're the inspirations...
I don't dwell on it. I'll always just be me. A shallow bitch who will tell you if I don't like your shoes, and is even more cranky without her coffee, but I mean, in the big picture. I'm kind of a big deal!

It was just that sort of wrapped up my day with warmth and made me look back on everything that happened with more fondness than bitterness and really be grateful for what I have, and everything I am and everything I'm doing.
...and things are just going to keep getting better....

I went to meet with the people I'm going to be working with/for. It was incredible. First off, I had to meet with the superintendent of the Maranacook school district, since I'll be on their payroll, and it started off sort of intimidating since I've NEVER had anything of a job interview before, but it was comforting to know I already had the job, and it was basically just to prove I knew what I was doing and would be an asset to the team.
He began professional, and sort of edgy, and he asked me "So...what do you know about the Maine Support Network?"
And I proceeded to tell him, "Well, I've been involved with them for about 7 years," and he was immediately impressed and relaxed. We chatted for about 20 minutes and it ended with us talking about camp (He asked, "so do you do any public speaking...") And he closed with. "WELL. you really made my day!"
which clearly made MY day. I felt really really good about it, and the fact that he was psyched to have me on board!

Then I rode over to the MSN office with a lovely lady named Coleen, and she was wearing lime green crocs, which was only ok cause it showed me these people were super down to Earth, but when we got to the "office" I nearly died.
First of all, it's basically just an adorable house and it just happens to look like I decorated the place. Never have I walked in somewhere and had such an "oh my god, I belong here!" reaction. The first thing I saw was a Vera Bradley towel, about which I gushed, and come to find out, one of the girls' (who is absolutely lovely!) family owns the CALICO PATCH IN FARMINGTON!!! So I totally know them!
Coleen asked if I liked coconut coffee (favorite!) and she made me some, then we went to sit in another office that had THE SAME exact PURPLE carpeting as my room, as well as the purple desk chair I just retired!
A bit later, I met with my supervisor, and she asked me questions about my working/learning style, and we just chatted. Her signature colors are pink, purple (um remember my room at school anyone?) and zebra! She's amazing. She told me all sorts of things I need to get for work (they're going to give me a work expenses credit card!) and one of them is a bluetooth headset and she already had a pink one, as well as ringtones for all her coworkers. We're SO on the same page! I can't wait to start. truly.

After being pumped from all of that, I called Colin and we went to Starbucks. Sometimes we go out and it's like we both have so much that is unsaid, and it's strained and weird, but this was one of those times that was just wonderful, where we're just 100% open and comfortable, and we reminisced about old dramas, theater drama, and laughed way too hard at stuff that wasn't funny. It was good.

When I got home I realized I ached all over and didn't feel that great. People were going to reconvene that evening at Brandon's but I layed down for a couple hours, and woke up feeling warm. I had a low grade fever and I decided I had better pass and rest up since Colin's party was the next day.
I went to bed early and felt fine the next day....weird.
Mom and I went to Portland for a dr's appointment and came home to get ready for the soiree. Which was absolutely FABULOUS.
Jess was there, and all my boys of summer.
It was seriously such a great time. My parents went too and we all had an amazing time. I love all of those people.


My rents left a little early, and the rest of us snuggled in the living room warming up and telling crazy stories of our ends of college. It was so perfect.
I got home at like 11, uploaded my pictures, and went to bed.
Before long, I felt muscle twinges start in my legs, and I got cold. I snuggled deeper under the blankets, trying to will what I knew was coming, away. but it didn't work. My teeth began chattering and my body shook to the point where all my muscles were contracting. I tried to straighten my legs or curl up into fetal position, but I couldn't stop the pain of my hip joints shaking and grinding together. It hurt. I tried for a few minutes more to get the feeling to go away, but it was more than being cold, and I knew it.
I reached for my treo above my head and dialed my dad's cell phone that I knew was by his bed.
Soon my parents came down and got me a heating pad and eventually the chills subsided and I was able to fall asleep. But we all knew something was going on, and my dad stayed by my bed for at least an hour (I think he actually kept checking to see if I was breathing. It was scary shit)

In the morning, mom and I went to the lab to get blood cultures because usually that means a line infection, although, I usually would get a high fever during or after the chills and there was none, so we were a bit confused. It was a task trying to get blood, because for some reason my line wouldn't draw and my veins just suck. We went to Denny's to escape everything and eat really crappy food that was SO GOOD. I am now in love with their hash browns!
The day went on, and again I went to bed (after watching Breakfast at Tiffany's- it IS a good movie)

Saturday we were supposed to go to CT to get Maisy from camp, and for my cousin's grad party but because we didn't have the lab results back yet and I still wasn't feeling up to par, we decided it would really be a good idea to just stay home (I have good instincts by now and sometimes you need to go with your gut) So that day, dad went, and mom and I stayed home and did house things.
That night, after an amazing meal of stuffing myself with all the chinese food I could eat, I got hooked up and as I was surfing myspace I felt my legs get twingey. Nooooo.....
Sure enough, in the time it took me to put up an angry away message and get in bed the chills had fully errupted again. I tried to relax, but we decided we had to do something, so we quickly tapered my TPN and unhooked me and by then, I was able to relax but my hips and muscles still hurt to the point where I could barely walk.
From 11-2 that night, mom and I sat in the ER. We read all the magazines in the place, ate sherbet and I had more blood cultures and a chest X-ray before we went home. By this point we just wanted answers.

We got a phone call the next day that the second set of cultures had come back positive and we needed to go back to the hospital. Finally. At least we knew!
I got admitted and sent upstairs (after the triage guy thought my name was Nancy...psh...and I lied about my husband Tom...come on now)
I got hooked up to fluid, since I was also severely dehydrated from not getting TPN and my bloodwork was all off and some antibiotics.
Colin is the best BFF I could ever have, and since we were supposed to hang out that day before he went back to CT, as soon as I was settled in he came bearing iced lattes.

I was in the hospital for 2 days before we got back my labs got back and we had been told what antibiotics would work for the infection. I watched way too much MTV and actually got a good portion of the way through Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, so I'll be set when the movie comes out! But I have concluded, the worst thing in the world is to be in the hospital when you feel OK!!!!! Even going to the cafe with Starbucks was rained on since my vintage IV pump had a battery life of .2 seconds!

BUT now I'm home on IV antibiotics once again, and hopefully that will take care of things. I start work on Monday! Excited.

So for now I am going to drink tea and read more HP! There's a week in the life... see what happens when I go like A DAY without writing!?

Sometimes I have to wonder why the Cyr family can't catch a break. I know, I understand the "everything happens for a reason" mantra and that "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle" but I mean SERIOUSLY. The extreme ups and downs are just sucking. It's not like a sunny day, then it rains, it's like, we built a mansion then a tornado came through just to say hi.

The Good:
Mom and I drove down to camp on Thursday, and it was really fun, and nice. I don't think we've spent that much uninterrupted time together in.....months? I made a huge playlist of all songs that represent everyone in our family and they were great to sing to. Then we got Aunt Annie's pretzels, which always rock my world.
Camp was beyond amazing of course. We got settled into our lodge which was gooorgeous and had some time to kill before dinner so we just sat outside and read for awhile. Then Karen found us, and we talked forever and she taught my mom how to drive the golf cart. Camp is so beautiful this time of year and it is truly so strange how while you're there, all negative or confusing thoughts just leave your mind, and you're just THERE. In the moment, being peaceful and young. I needed it more than I realized.
Dinner was a vegetarian feast of pita, couscous, hummus and everything amazing that I adore, and they had pitchers of iced chai at every table. Delish. After, of course, there was singing, and Marissa, one of Maisy's counselors grabbed me and pulled me into the circle and said "oh come on Mal...." because usually I try to keep a low profile before I speak, then I get in with everyone after. But I did join in and the first song we sang was Seasons of Love. Thanks guys. Followed by Hero (maisy recorded last summer at camp), and Can You Feel the Love tonight (first NYC moment). Gah.
We went up to the theater for a "campfire" since it was raining, and they did that whole thing...ending of course with Stars in the Sky... all of this working up to my speech. Thaaaaanks.
Before my speech, they played the camp video from 98 when I climbed the wall, which of course made me cry because not only is the video playing but the entire theater was cheering and saying "YEAAA MAL." like I was doing it again! that's camp for ya.
THEN Matty read off my intro and credentials (which did sound pretty impressive I must say) and Peaches and Hilary marched into the theater in graduation gowns singing pomp and circumstance with the biggest bouquet of flowers I've ever seen. It was amazing.
THEN I had to speak. But I did, and it was awesome and I think it was one of the best speeches I've given, like ever...
This sounds silly, but I know it's the power of that stage. Do you know all of the people who have been on that stage.... No you probably don't...cause I don't, but just of the ones I know, it's pretty amazing. And you can feel it. It's so cool to think of how many little kids will be able to be on that stage without even knowing the power of it. It's pretty unreal.

After my speech we went back to the dining hall and had ice cream and just socialized. Eventually it was just me and mom and Noodle and it so quiet except for the crickets and summer night noises and it was just perfect. One of those times you just want to freeze to carry with you when you need that kind of atmosphere.

The next day, we drove home, and felt hungover with emotional exhaustion but it was still nice to spend time with mom. I wish we could do that more often. But I guess the more time that passes, the more we have to talk about.

On Friday, Maisy had friends over, and we all went to Portland and I had a SUPER amazing shopping trip. One of those where you just get so many good deals, you go home and end up forgetting how much you bought. It was lovely.
I christened our Coach store too and the girls were SOOOOOOO sweet. I tried on sunglasses and really wanted to buy them, but they were > $100 so I decided to be good...
Maybe with the first paycheck. hee hee.
But I did get this:
(for those who don't know.. it's an amazing teeny wallet that fits all my worldly necessities)


Cause I needed a new one. My other one is from last year, and I bought with Megan. Er...time for a new one....

and there was Sushi to be had, and sales to be utilized, and it was just amazingly perfect.
Then we came home...

The Bad:
Long story short. We had the dog put down this past weekend. He bit one of Maisy's friends (the third or fourth person he's ever bitten) and she didn't clean it out (cause she's stupid and irresponsible) even though Maisy persistently asked her if she was ok. she ended up going to the ER, the cops were called. It was a drama of dramas. Later that same night, he bit Maisy. Not just nipped.

We knew it would happen eventually, and in all reality, we just bought him time. He wasn't realistic to have as a pet. He was unpredictable. We couldn't have people in our house unless my mom was home to go through the "routine." If anyone else tried...well, we know what happens.

It's a blessing in disguise (house party anyone?), but man, even though I bitched about him all the time, it suuuuucked. I woke up on Sunday morning as late as possible, and Dad had been on the phone with various vets and animal people. I came out of my room to get coffee just as he went out the door. Maisy was just standing in the hallway, hysterical. The kind where you cry so hard there isn't any noise...
I told her it was ok, and it wasn't her fault. Then we just sat on the couch and held each other and cried. She broke my heart.
After a while we were composed (semi...) and I started making breakfast, and she went to watch TV in her room (I seriously was afraid to let her go, I didn't want any emo episodes) Then dad came home. He said that was one of the hardest things he's ever done, then he went in Maisy's room and we all cried together some more. Yea, my dad cried. That pretty much did us both in again. But somehow it just seemed right that we were all together. We got it together once again and we all sat down and had brunch together, and laughed about how I'd have to get out of the habit of throwing food on the floor, and whether our cats would all move downstairs and back into our house. (still hasn't happened)

It was a rough morning to say the least, but then Maisy went to the farm to take her mind of things, Dad and I went to Verizon (helloooooo TREO) and we all reconvened at Nana's for dinner and I had a luxurious cosmo with my favoritest aunt. and we all played cards.
My mom still is pretty upset, since they were the tightest, and it is definitely way lonely here when I'm all by myself during the day. But things are easier now...sadly. And I will have my flip flops for a long long time. I guess it just ends another chapter....
but seriously? Where is the break.... we just didn't need that.

RIP EVIL PUPPY :(...please don't bite God...

It's cloudy out and I'm alone, and it basically feels like last summer. So I went and reread all my entries from last summer (oh boy)...and now I need to write to remind myself of all the things that are wonderful, and how that is the PAST. We're in the now.

OK. So, yesterday I started my internship at mom's agency, and it was ok, but basically taught me the one thing I do not want in life is to be sitting at a desk for hours every day. Wow. I did data entry and kept falling asleep (holy crap... just typing this makes me feel better. I'm crazy for loving the sound of keys typing... I'm such a writer)

...but that also could have been because of the day before. Colin came home for my birthday and we literally spent the entire day together (we concluded it's the first time he's been home for my birthday since we've known each other). It was absolutely perfect. We did everything we've always done. He bought me lunch at Applebee's and "surprised" me with the birthday dessert routine, and of course we sang with them, cause...well...it's what we do. And the staff was like "Do you guys want jobs?" (I didn't think to suggest Colin maybe should actually take them up on it. wow that was mean) And he made me another mix CD "Birthday mix 07: A 5 Year Tribute" and got me Grey's DVD's (season 1 but I'm just going to exchange it for season 2. It was so absolutely perfect. It was just us...and it hasn't been since...oh....January. And we talked a lot about life and relationships, and writing. and laughed a lot. It was very needed.

Then we saw Shrek 3 which is awesome, and we laughed through the entire thing (although I'm not sure if it was the movie or the kid behind us who kept whacking Colin in the head with his popcorn bucket) There was a part where they played the intro to One Singular Sensation from Chorus Line, and literally we were the only two people laughing in the entire theater.
After that was Starbucks, and we ended up at Bates. they still had their graduation set up, so we played "Bates Graduation." Holy irony. We kept walking around and I was like "please... I just have to do this... to realize how wrong it would've been." And I did...and it did feel wrong (beyond the fact that nobody was there, of course). It was sort of an unsaid closure...and we got to graduate together after all. Then we chased squirrels and sat by the pond. Some things never change. And I'm glad.

After that, he had to go home for dinner. But we reconvened shortly after he ate. We were supposed to wait for Brandon to call, but because I was in Lewiston all last summer when Colin wasn't, I knew he wouldn't til 10 or 11 and I remembered I had to get up at 7 the next day to go to work with mom so I called him and said, "Can we just hang out, and if he calls well fine, if not, oh well..." and really. I didn't want him to anyway. (he did call at 10:30 as predicted, only to bail on whatever we were going to do, so I called it pretty well)

So we decided that was a good idea, and I went back over to his house, and we had amazing red wine (which I usually hate) and watched Mulan. (yes the Disney movie).
After the movie we kind of just laid there, but it was already 11:30 so I decided I should go home. So he drove me home.
and I kid you not.... We saw a shooting star.

The whole day and evening were just so quietly perfect. I wouldn't have wanted my birthday to be any other way.

We're good, and I'm happy, and for now that's all I need.

Ok.. in all honesty, I feel better now. I'm going to go read more GOSSIP GIRL, CAUSE THE NEW ONE IS OUT AND I GOT IT FOR MY BIRTHDAY
and have a snack.

You know you love me,
Mal

Well.... a week ago, on May 12th, 2007 I graduated college.
Done. finished. the end.

Like all big events I needed some time to process things before I could attack it here. I haven't necessarily had any big epiphany or big life changing revelation, but I've had a lot of time to think, and everything IS different. It's all about change. And how willing you are to accept it, or go with it.

On our big day, there is nothing in those envelopes (surprise! we psyched you out!) but in our choosing to wear those silly hats and walk with our friends over that stage to take that folder, we are making the decision to accept the change that is leaving UMF. We've done our time, taken what we will from it, and are ready to move on. After that, everything really is in our hands. Like someone very important to me said tonight, "I think that is a good way to look at it, though... we got what we could from school, and now it's time to move on to what's next, except this time, it's life, not more school."

That is the absolute truth. After we cross that stage, our life is in our own hands, and it all comes down to choice, and taking risks. We can take that job that's a little outside our comfort zone, or sit at home and wait for something in our home town to fall in our laps. We can be a little scared, or feel perfectly safe and miss out on who knows what. But in that sense, it's exactly like college. We can not kiss that boy, cause we're afraid of what might come next, or we can close our eyes and go for it...because really, who DOES know what's ever coming next?

Things had begun to change even before that last day. As hard as I tried to fight it. I got emotionally attached. I needed to make the most of my remaining time with people I might never see again...and everything else...seemed petty. I learned to live for Farmington nights, laughing and drinking on the patio of the granary. I fell in love with every single writer in my Senior seminar class, and I learned their stories, and I had grown with them. and they grew with me. When I made the choice to read the piece I knew I had to read at my senior reading, they knew why I was crying at the end. And they hugged me for it. I fell in love with the entire class of 2007. From dressing in togas and talking on the porch, to belting out Livin' on a Prayer as a last night out, from the massive standing ovation I got from them when the president recognized me during graduation, I felt like my heart was going to burst with affection and adoration for every single one of them. They had noticed. They did know how hard it was for me to do this. but they shared in my excitement that I DID IT. We all did it. It isn't fair that we have to leave when we're really just getting to know each other.

But that's another choice we have. To keep in touch. Maybe we will...maybe we won't. Some memories we'll hold onto forever, and choose to go on and make more together. Some we'll file in the "lesson learned" pile, and call it a day. But no matter what we do, it happened, and we learned, and we did it together. And we'll always have that.

And so here we are. I'm free, and independent, and adult, and HAPPY. I'm happier than I've ever been, and it's so different from last year at this time (good lord, when I wasn't even 21).
It's going to be a different summer. But it'll be good, I can feel it!
With all the things that change, some things don't. There will always be that friend who just knows when you need to hear their voice, there will always be a welcoming bed with a cuddly kitty, and there will always be the friends and family who will stand by you no matter what, and when there is nothing else.... there is all of that. But right now, there is that, AND everything else. I have a speaking gig at camp, and internship awaiting me, a job waiting for me, AND A BOOK TO WRITE! And I'm ready to take it all on, head first!

So class of 2007, and all of my UMF loves. Thank you. For everything. Thanks for the memories. :-) and to all of my friends here, and everything yet to come. Well, the rest is still unwritten. So let's live it. Cheers to a beautiful summer of 07!!!!!
<3>

Happy May 2007!
Yesterday I had my LAST college class EVER. That's weird.
And my senior reading was last night, that I've waited four years for and poof it's over. Things are just going to keep being over.

Next Saturday (8 days)...it's all over. Wow. It's going fast. Here's what's left!

Final Schedule/ Important dates:
May 9th: Final soc. paper due.
GAIA final exam this day! 10:30
May 10th: 2:00 exit interview
Toga social
May 11th: Banquet shopping
Banquet
May 12th: Graduation

So, basically all I have left for academics is a paper for soc, my science final which I'm not even worried about, and to print another copy of my portfolio to keep in the BFA office. Then it's mission graduation!
OH YEA, AND MAKE MEMORIESSS!

It's so overwhelming. Then I start my internship at mom's job, then real work, which I'm super excited for... and I've started doing serious apps for moving to Portland at some point. And my birthday is like 2 weeks after graduation! (and I get my cell phone upgrade which I'm excited about) Everything is happening so fast! Sloooow down time

but it's amazing, and I've never felt better. I never thought I'd be leaving on such a positive note. I've come full circle....

Oh god. It's been too long once again. Things are amaaazing for the most part. I graduate in 25 days. That's right 25 DAYS...until I am done with school. Forever! Whoa!

I have a job, for after I graduate. I know, a creative writing major with a job! Wow. It's working with the Advocacy group I already work with, but more full time, and a bigger deal. I'll be working on a lot of different stuff. Writing up info about the grant project, working to advocate for it and things like that. I will basically be their youth representative for everything. Being the overseer for Youth committees that start in other states, going to conferences and being pretty big voice for everything they do. which means: TRAVEL which will be paid for. Psyched.

Also...
They want me to make a wishlist of things I'll need to make my "home office" (i.e. bedroom) more comfortable and workable.... as in like, amazing chair, new computer, 3 in 1, new desk... you name it. Heeeey.

They'll pay my cell phone bill (get me a phone...) my internet/wireless bill, and all travel expenses. Sweeet deal.

I also ended up winning a scholarship towards writing my book, and I got to present at Symposium which went super well. I hadn't spoken in front of people in sooo long. It felt great! It was standing room only, and a lot of people said it was the biggest turnout they've ever seen at a Symposium day. the president was there, all my writers, all my favorite teachers (Linda was there), and my mom/sis/nana came up. It was really exciting. I guess I didn't realize how many people cared. It was a thrill. I bought my self a Vera Bradley for a job well- done present! I've been debating on them for all four years and finally did it. the lady there was like "don't even worry! You got a scholarship! You deserve it!" Love her!

Now a girl wants to interview me and write an article about me for the flyer! Haha, oh sweet irony... (which seems to be quite abundant in my life right now too!)

Other than all that... I'm home for April break, which is weird, since the last few years I was in CT and NYC...but I'm dealing...and seeing a lot of people which is nice, but we've basically had hurricane weather and flooding all week, so it isn't exactly "spring break" weather, but what can you do? It's not raining today, and it's brightening up, so maybe we'll have a few good days!

Ok. I need to go get some stuff done, but I figured I'd update since the clock is....tick...tick...ticking!!!! woooo hoooo!!!!

Sometimes I just want to go back to being 17. When I didn't know any better. To the days when DD ice coffees were orgasmic, every Denny's trip was exciting and dancing in the Oak Hill gym til 11 was a "crazy night out."

It's really weird to think how things can change...and will never ever be the same. Things happen and are said. People come and go from your life, and you just never know. You can only live one day at a time. but when you take it all in and really look back. Just wow. I don't even know.

Of course it's super cold out tonight and the heat came on, which means winter is coming, which means I'm getting depressedish and emotional.... even though this year will be soooo different I can't help it.

Right now I need to just pull myself away from 2002 Mix CD's, old Facebook wall comments, and pictures and give myself to sleep for awhile. Tomorrow's another day. and it isn't Monday!


xoxoxo.

oh yea... and the Halloween fun has begun....

Oh it's been crazy. Not crazy good, or crazy bad.Just crazy.
The 80's social was pretty much amazing and can probably be logged as "THE event of the year." We had an incredible turnout, the music and people were amazing, I went without a single cent, had drinks covered for me (cause I'm fab like that) and oh yea I WON the costume contest! Weeeeeeee. It was just amazing.


The next day my knees hurt soooo hard from dancing. It was lovely.


Since then, stuffs been kinda up and down. The weekend was nice. I slept for like 12+ hours, which I pretty much needed, like whoa...
Then this week, I've just been kinda rollin' with things, trying to get my work done, and not fail out of school. I think I'm doing ok! yay for that.

Last night was pretty fabulous too. I worked a little bit on a paper that isn't due until next week, which I felt good about, then I was at the snackbar with Miss Andrea and Mary, and Meg randomly called me and asked if I wanted to go to the bar with them. I didn't really have anything pressing to do, so I said suuuuuure.
Meg, Jen, Caitlin and I all went down to the bar, in the pouring rain...almost got attacked by a skunk, but finally got there and had a lovely time. I was cold and soggy, and got an amazing Irish coffee, which is like a Denny's cappucinno x 50.
we all hung out, until Meg and I started making fun of people a little too evidently and had to remove ourselves to another room where there were other people and it was fun. Then Caitlin and Jen left and a while later, and we trudged home in the even worse pouring rain. But it was pretty amazing and we didn't care.

That's the stuff memories are made of!


Next up. HALLOWEEN DANCE 10/26 @ 10:07 pm (haha, don't ask me thats just what the schedule said!) BE THERE!!!!

Tonight was busy, but after my two meetings, I snuck off to The Landing and listened to the band they had there. I splurged and bought the CD and felt so at peace with being alone. and the new Landing is gorgeous. I need to go there more often, like I did a couple years ago. It's wonderful for some reflection and me time. They have surprisingly good music too I discovered..(and had discovered the night of Rachel Griffin)

Now I'm off to seriously relax, read and go to sleeeeeeeep! Yay for surviving another Hump Day!

Check out The Whatnot!

<3

It's Fall. And stuff like this makes me wish I had an apartment super bad. Oh yea, and I just watched the Laguna Beach thing on Overdrive, which showed one of their rediculously glamorous, way too big houses. That helped.

The maple stuff is out at Starbucks too. I may have to try the maple machiatto when I go home this weekend. Last year, only Canada had it.... and Maine...cause we're basically Canada.

Last night was fun. But I still feel like this week is just weird. Everyone feels kind of off.... but what can you do. I tried to have a night in, but like after three episodes of "Strangers with Candy" and 45 minutes of Gilmore Girls (yes, yet another guilty pleasure) I got super antsy and ended up going to the bar with Meg, then again with Nate and Roxanne, and hung out in their apartment til like 2.
It was fun though. It was a gorgeous night, and I really just wanted to be out doing something since pretty soon it'll be too cold to want to go anywhere. The moon was pretty, and it was just a very laid back good time. I needed the fresh air.
Now it's wednesday, and I sort of have a busy day, and it's blah. But we have a class meeting tonight, then LAGUNA. and I may subscribe to CosmoGirl I've decided. It's cheap....

on that note.

xoxoxox.

Oh fall. What can I say....

I feel like it's been a really significant past week, and I'm basically a different person since last October...but we've still come full circle it seems. It's just weird. who knows.

Last week was really good though. I went out like five days in a row, which yes, is a little crazy, but it was fabulous. For the first time I feel like I'm really LIVING in college. And I truly do have the best friends like ever.
Thursday we all went to the bar and even though there was definitely Fall in the air, we all at on the patio with our drinks and just talked and laughed for hours. It was really really wonderful. It's so great to feel like I finally have a "group" and it kind of includes everyone.

Then Friday I slept on the way home then quickly changed and Jordan and I hit up Gritty's, which is kind of becoming our Friday tradition. It was really fun. I have not laughed that hard in sooooo long. It was much needed for both of us. Saturday was Aimee and Margarita's. Basically I've just been seeing everyone and having a good time, which is pretty much what I need to do, because otherwise I find fall is kind of tough. and some things have happened, which have left me kind of confused emotionally, but it's nothing serious, just a strange replay of last Fall I guess.

Sunday, I ended the weekend with a dinner of filet mignon with my family and a hot bath to warm up and rejuvenate before coming back. It was pretty much amazing.

I'm kind of ready for a downish week now, and definitely another weekend. Family coziness, friends, and pumpkin spice lattes, preeeetty much make my life.

autumn <3

Sometimes old habits are heard to break... even if it isn't something intentional. Last night there were serious bouts of insomnia. I woke up at 5ish, and basically just could not fall back to sleep. I don't know why. Could've been the fact that I slept in all weekend and broke my pattern of a good schedule, or the fact that I couldn't breathe through my nose. But either way, after 5 a.m. I pretty much saw every hour on the clock and didn't fall asleep til I basically had to get up anyway.
When I woke up, I randomly listened to Clay Aiken... yes, make fun of me, but I adore his music, and it was an instant transportation to freshmen year, since that CD basically got me through the rough nights. So between the not feeling so hot, the reminiscent music, and the epitome of fall in the air, things got sort of sentimental. I think my mind (and heart) is just so used to spending the fall missing certain things... that it just thought it was supposed to, even though this year is so very different.

I took a nap after my first class, and slept way better than my entire night's sleep... but still, I just keep thinking about things. Also... I think it's just because I'm really lonely... and it's kind of hitting me. Not like depressed, solitary emo-ness...but it sucks I guess....

Anyway... my nap was nice, and I had dinner and coffee with Miss Caitlin... but man... sometimes it just hits harder than others. It's weird.

wake me up when September ends.... basically.

Whooooa. It's senior year. Craziness. Unbelievable really. Buuuuuuut. For the first time, I'm reaaaaaaally happy. It's like I finally know who my friends are, and how to manage time and all that jazz and can finally just sit back and have fun.

A lot happened this summer and basically I just feel like I'm a new person with a new outlook and a new attitude so I really think it'll be a good year....since it mostly has been already...
My room is pink and amazingly cute. smaller but I don't even notice the difference really, it works for me!
Here's a peek:




It is SUCH a different lifestyle from the stupid, all girl, mostly freshman floor I put up with for so long. I don't know why I didn't do that sooner.... oy vey! It's so good.

Anyway. obviously a ton of stuff has happened and I can't give the entire lodown here cause well.... it'd take me a week.... but I'll simplify and just discuss some of the key players in my life right now...since oh, you know, they'll be mentioned a buuuunch!
(for the dramatic crew who may read this, I swear this order is random, so get over it....and if you're not mentioned...then...welll.....do something nice for me and maybe you will be)

The Girls:
Andrea: aka- ; or the soulmate. We spent a ton of time together this summer and talked 24/7. She is my other half, knows everything that goes on in my life and basically completes me and makes school worth going to. k thanks.

Kerry: fabulous, chill bff from last year, she's in rehab. but we still enjoy numerous bar trips. She's a cool kid. Also my photographer. Most of the good pictures that are up here, are probably Kerry Brown originals

Meg: A crazy amazing wine. and laguna lover who also completes me. We hate people together and make fun of freshmen. Hey, sometimes it's too easy.

Caitlin: A fabulous fashion diva, who enjoys coffee and shopping almost as much as myself. we had lovely beach festivities this summer and are super tight.

Rachel: Sadly, she does not to F'ton, but we've been bffs since high school, I would not have made it through the summer without her. We are soulmates in theater, boys....and theater boys..... hehe

The Boys:

Colin: The opposite gendered soulmate. he's in CT which saddens me, but when he isn't, we see movies, spend way too much time together, belt bad 80's music, drink at Applebee's and pretty much finish each others sentences..... yeaaaa, it's a good time. oh yea he's good at music stuff.... psh.

Matt: silly, younger than me poly-sci nerd who doesn't believe in segways (like the transition, not the scooter), he likes to ditch me for Family Guy or Jimmy Kimmel.

Brandon: Knows how to have a good time. Has a hot tub, and is known for taking me on random Roadtrips to be a groupie for Colin's accapella group. oh we have fun. <3 him

Doyon, Roland, Adam G, et. al.- the other boys who come to parties and always provide good story telling and drunken (or not drunken) musical performances....they make my life pretty much!



Ok, so basically those are the tried and true. What can I say. Now, after being entirely lazy all day, I must sign out and be lazy some more, where it will eventually lead to bed. Back to school tomorrow for more adventures.

~You know you love me.
<3


and an updated pic, cause you know, it's been like A YEAR!!!

So a lot's happened, and I don't feel like writing it all here. Fiddler's going well, sort of..it's crunch time now...and my costume needs utter revamping. My infection is gone and all is well (can I get a hallelujah?) and the kid's show is behind us, so we're down to 2 commitments. Woo hoo! but it was a great weekend, and I'm just posting to let you know there some pics up of everything. Not as many as I'd like since a couple on my phone didn't save and I was doing lights during the actual show...but anyway.

Here ya go...


More later. Sorry for the slacking.

~Malphaba

Just another fun little update. I do have an infection and am going to the hospital. *sigh* We're hoping it will be something we can deal with at home since I utterly DO NOT have time for this and would much prefer to have a summer. But life comes as it will I have learned. And all we can do is Defy Gravity. So love to all and I'll update as I can....


~Malphaba~

ps- Broadway Rocks, truly rocks, and I get to sing in a Godspell song...and tons more. and you ALL better come see it.

So...once again, as Mallory is having a good streak....

I'm seriously getting a wee bit sick of being me. Not 'I hate my life, etc.' because truly I do not. But I get sick of random stuff happening just when I get ahead in life healthwise, so grr...

The past couple of nights, exactly an hour after I get hooked up I've been overcome with the worst chills ever that make my muscles so tense I can hardly move, and I just have to get in bed and shiver with 6 blankets til it goes away. good times. It's bizarre because usually that is a sign of infection and my fever spikes, and/or I'll have rapid heart rate etc, like I did with endocarditis, but there's nothing else. no fever or anything

Last night was the second time in a row it happened. And my mom called the pharmacy and the medical supply company and stuff, and I might go for bloodwork today and stuff so if there is something brewing we can head it off at the pass. Not cool. I do NOT have time for this shiznit. I love being the only person in the world who can get infections from existing. Agh.

On the upside....we have our first Broadway Rocks rehearsal tonight, and I'm psyched!!!! squeeeeeeee

ok...more soon I promise.

you know you love me.
~Malphie~

Just a little update. Not too much going on. Today Colin and I did a fun lunch then did the Bates thing that I love so much! *smile* It was really nice. We discussed potential plans for a city trip, and my sunburn itches like craaaazy.

Maisy's birthday is tomorrow too, which oughta be crazy, since we're having it at the pool and it's supposed to be crappy out. Ooooh well.

Anyway. I basically just posted to say I got some pics from the fourth of july party up! Such a good time!!! Yay.

Check it out here!


I also just won Fossil sunglasses on Ebay. Yay!

Cynic Princess- out.